I had a cold this weekend, which wasn’t fun. Then again, colds never are. (Sidenote: When people say “Don’t come near me. It’s a horrible time for me to get sick,” I just want to know, is there ever a good time to get sick? Are there any days when you wake up and say, “Yep, pretty light week. This would be a good time to get sick?”)
I was especially bummed to be hit by the typhoid/yellow fever/plague because I had a very fun weekend planned. And it involved a bachelorette party. But not just any old bachelorette party – about 11 of us went to a drag queen brunch! With boas! And mimosas! And glittery men who look prettier than me on my best day! Pretty much my idea of heaven, really.
None of these festivities were conducive to me lying on the couch, thrashing and moaning about how sick I was (am), and how I was probably going to die (still could happen), and please take care of Petunia when I’m gone, and don’t get another girlfriend when I die, just build an altar to my memory and never love again.
But, instead, I put on my sparkly big girl pants and soldiered through. I know, I know, how very brave of me. Angelina Jolie isn’t the only saint around here.
And Holy Tucking Tape, am I glad I did. Not withstanding the great and ongoing debate over whether the drag boobies were the result of a prosthetic breast plate or actual implants, here are:
Top Things I Learned at Perry’s Drag Queen Brunch
1) J Lo and Shakira never go out of style. Sorry, Gaga. You were not invited to the show.
2) People will take their children anywhere. (There was a 10 year old at our show and an even younger looking tiny person at the second show. Sketch, parents. Sketch.)
3) Fried items on a drag brunch buffet are a pretty safe bet. That may just be true for anywhere.
4) Don’t drop your breakfast sausage on the ground. Those queens will make fun of you for reals.
5) Cheap hot pink feather boas will make a mess everywhere. Including in your delicious $10 Bellinis.
Oh, here’s a few more. Everybody got boobies on their head.
Miss S. showing them queens how it’s done. You betta work!
The whole tipsy crew. (minus two. We think they stayed on to work at Perry’s or something)
Anyone else have an eventful weekend? Are you a big baby when you get sick or a stoic soldier? I’m guessing if you have kids, you can’t be quite as self-indulgent as I am. More importantly, what color are your sparkly, big girl pants?
The fact remains: you are HYSTERICAL. feel better!