Do Not Get in a Hot Tub With a Weatherman Carrying Dog Collars

Some crime stories are just so mysterious and bizarre, I cannot let them pass without comment.

Take this story for example (Major, major props to the New York Post, by the way). In it, our hero, a rosy-cheeked young weatherman in nice, rural Arkansas is awoken after a fun, all-American Labor Day weekend in a hot tub with a dead naked man next to him.

Well, naked that is, except for a dog collar. Because that’s of course, what you wear in a hot tub.

"Nope, nothing weird here. Just a few dudes in a hot tub. Enjoying Labor Day."

The lead on the NYPost story is pretty funny, in only the way that a weird and unexplained death of a young person can be:

“An Arkansas weatherman didn’t predict he would wake up in a hot tub with a naked dead man, but that’s exactly what police say happened.”

See what they did there? Predict? Like the weather. I think it would have been better if they had said “An Arkansas weatherman didn’t forecast he would wake up…” But that’s just me.

“The mystery began Monday night, when KARK 4 News meteorologist Brett Cummins arrived at the home of John Barbour around 11 p.m., the report stated. The 33-year-old weatherman brought Williams, 24, with him. Barbour said he did not know the doomed man.”

“They then began to drink and use illegal narcotics,” an investigator said Barbour told him. “Mr. Barbour stated he was not sure of the drugs that they were using but that they were snorting them.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop the clock. First, the weatherman’s name is Brett Cummins? OK, moving on. I don’t like this Barbour dude one bit. He seems a bit sketch to me. He just lets people come to his house, use unknown drugs right in front of him for a couple of HOURS,  and use his hot tub for who knows what, and he doesn’t even bat an eye. Sus. Pect.

“About two hours later, Cummins and Williams went into the Jacuzzi to have a drink, and Barbour later joined them, police said. Shortly afterwards, Barbour said he left the two and went into the living room, where he fell asleep on the couch.”

Uh-huh. Sure he did. That dog don’t hunt. I’m not buying it, Barbour. Not buying it at all.

“Barbour told police he awoke about 8 a.m. Tuesday and could hear Cummins snoring in the hot tub, the report said. He proceeded to gather glasses in the bathroom and wake up Cummins before realizing Williams was dead.”

Yikes. That all sounds very dangerous. Glasses near the hot tub? Someone could get seriously hurt. Oh wait.

“Dexter’s head was lying behind Brett’s left shoulder,” Barbour told police, according to the report. “After Brett awoke they discovered that Dexter was not conscious and his face was a different color.”

Eeeeewwwww! A different color? Like, dead color? And the weatherman was cradling a dead head in the nook of his neck all night?? In a tub full of water??

“The meteorologist was horrified, the report indicated.”

I’ll say! I don’t need a qualifying, “the report indicated,” to tell me that. That’s just a fact that doesn’t really need to be substantiated, NYPost.

“Brett screamed and became ill and left the bathroom and vomited on the carpet in the living room,” Barbour told police, according to the report. The weatherman then left the house, but insisted he would return. “Cummins did return to the residence and gave a statement to investigators,” according to the report. No details of what he said have been released.

OK, first, rude! I bet that Barbour dude was pissed when the weatherman vommed all over his carpet and then took off like that. No wonder Barbour is totally throwing him under the bus for this whole dead guy thing. He’s probably annoyed that he was left to clean up this mess and deal with the cops.

“When police arrived they observed Williams….with a chain around his neck,’ according to the report. “The chain was silver in color and consistent with what I believed to be a dog collar.”

As opposed to what other types of collars, pray tell? And when and under what circumstances did this whole dog collar thing enter the picture, I wonder?

“An autopsy is underway to determine what killed Williams, but so far no charges have been filed in his death.”

KARK 4 News stated online Tuesday that “Brett will not be on the air as he is mourning the loss of his friend.”

Wow. Just wow. That is one crazy night. Definitely makes my weekend look very tame indeed.

"Anybody seen my dog collar?"

And according to this story, weathermen get in trouble for weird stuff a lot – like filing false police reports, lewd behavior in public, drunk driving, stalking and harassing! Yep, weathermen are a creepy lot. That’s not just something they made up for the movies. 

"Loud noises!"

Wonder what makes them snap? Is it because they’re in front of a green screen all day, imagining where states are supposed to be?

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