Yertle Goes Hollywood

When last we checked in on our saucy little friend, Yertle the tortoise had just moved from Chicago to Las Vegas where he was running with a fast crowd, playing craps all night, and lounging in the pool all day.

Well, the Vegas lifestyle has clearly been good to him. Yertle is now an Internet phenomenon. A celebrity if you will.

And like all celebrities, he’s decided to endorse a product. Specifically, sandboxes. You can see him here at

Somebody better put some salad on this plate or it’s about to get crazy all up in here!

I hope he got PAID. I mean, Beyonce gets $20 million lending her likeness to marketing campaigns by Armani, Nintendo, and L’Oréal, among others. And she doesn’t even have a big hump. Oh, well, yeah, I guess she does now, but that’s not going to last forever.

Yertle 2
Ah, that’s better. I did not want to throw my weight around like that, but somebody was hungry. Now go get me a diet coke.

It hasn’t been all kale and flashing bulbs for Yertle, though. He did have a tiny bit of a mishap this summer, falling into the pool. I personally blame too much hibiscus flowers in his diet. Makes a tortoise a bit loopy, if you know what I mean.

And so we learn that tortoises do not make good swimmers, apparently. Luckily he was rescued, and thus was born the need for a sandbox containment mechanism. Now, Yertle is safely sunning himself outside, without taking anymore dips.

Yertle’s also off on an adventure this weekend, and is road tripping it to San Diego for a little R&R at XFE’s sister’s house. I guess the rigors of being a celebrity spokesman have been quite stressful on the little man.

It will probably be his last vacation before hibernating for the winter. I wonder what kind of music a tortoise takes on a road trip? Maybe “Happy Together” by the Turtles? But seriously, how many times can he listen to that one song?

Holy weirdness, the Googles tells me there’s a song called “Road Trip” by a band called Turtle Tank!! What the what!? That is too crazy a coincidence!

Yertle 3
I was hoping for a little ‘Party in the USA’ or maybe some Brittney.

Be sure to check in on the blog the next couple of days. Lots of good stuff coming up, including a very big poolside-bikini-photo shoot from a couple of weeks ago. I think you’ll be amazed. I mean, I’m no Yertle or anything. I don’t think anyone’s going to be approaching me to model a sandbox or anything in the near future, but, you never know. These are pretty special pictures.

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