You all know about this website, yes? If not, you should definitely acquaint yourself. It’s hilarious. Suri’s Burn Book is basically an imaginary (or is it?) look into the mind of one young Suri Cruise, currently the queen of all celebrity offspring. Basically, the authors imagine Ms. Suri snarking on all the other celebrity kids out there. You know, making fun of their clothes, grooming habits and weight, lack of coordination, embarrassing parents. All the things that we’re all thinking but would be totally unacceptable for an adult to say about small children, but since it’s voiced by another child, totally copacetic. Some favorite targets include the Jolie-Pitt brood, the Affleck-Garner girls, and a reluctant girl-crush on a certain Harper Beckham.
It’s pure genius and I’m furious I didn’t think of it first.
While discussing the site with a few friends a couple of months ago, I began to imagine how I could steal (I mean, emulate) such a magic formula.
That’s when Lourdes Leon popped into my head.
Here’s a girl, a mere 14-years-old, and she’s already a fashion icon with her own clothing line. It got me thinking: Lola’s so cool and hip, I’ll bet she thinks she’s cooler and hipper than her mom. And, since she’s a teenager, she’s probably oozing with over-privileged angst. Why, I bet she’s even embarrassed by her mom at times.
So, I thought we might play a little game of Lourdes’ Burn Book: The Teenage Years.
Seriously, what could be more embarrassing than having your mom dress like you? Leather is for young people — get your own style, mom! Be an individual, geeze! I get it: you wore some cool stuff in the 80s. Some might even say you were a trend setter. But you’re time has passed. Time to stay home and knit doilies. And do you have to bring that other “child;” ie: your 24-year old French break dancer boyfriend Brahim Zaibat to our Kabbalah service? I. Die.
Madge (I refuse to call her “mom” until she starts to recognize and respect my maturity) is in talks to play the halftime show at the Super Bowl. In Indianapolis. That’s not even a cool city. I bet there aren’t even any H&Ms there.
My gurl Ri-Ri has beaten Madge’s record for a solo artist achieving 20 top 10 singles in the shortest amount of time. Queen of Pop my ass. Madge better stop thinking about playing the Super Bowl and start working on some hits. Maybe some collaborations. Seems like Nikki Minaj could help out here.
As if things couldn’t get even more embarrassing. Some topless photos of Madge have been “leaked.” Whatever. And they’re not even posed, they’re just of her changing for a photo shoot. She’s not even aware the photos are being taken. Ugh. That’s not sexy. I bet it was that boy-toy Brazilian model Jesus Luz. He was such a tool. I’m so glad he’s outta here; although the break dancer isn’t exactly a step up. Here’s hoping she doesn’t marry him.