Fighting for Equal Potty Access for All Since 2011

Apparently, this week is all “lookie what came into my inbox” week at the PoeLog (week name trademark: pending).

But seriously: Look what came into my inbox from the fine organizers of the Las Vegas Rock N Roll Race Series (I’m training for the half-marathon). Right between a cleverly titled Yelp round up of the best taco places in DC (“Nacho Average Taco” in case you were wondering) and an Urban Daddy promo of a new restaurant called “Meatballs.”

(Sidetrack: I wonder if there’s any correlation whatsoever between the sheer number of food-related content I receive in my inbox and my continuous, daily struggle to pummel the treadmill with my increasingly heavy-footed gait?

(Sidetrack explained: Why yes, I’m a little frustrated with the number on the scale these days. How can I have gained five pounds when I run All. The. Time. I don’t expect to lose weight. That has never happened in my multi-year history of running. But how can I have gained it? And if even one person pipes up in the comment section with, “Oh, you’ve probably gained muscle, and muscle weighs more than fat,” I will go on a rampage. A pound is a pound. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pound of muscle or a pound of fat. They both weigh a pound.)) End of rant.

Anyone still with me here? Wow. You are persistent.

Anyway, the item I wish to draw attention to is this one (all emphasis mine)

Brooks VIP Porta Potty for a Super-Deluxe Start

Take your pre-race potty break in luxury with the Brooks VIP Porta Potty. As a thank you for choosing Brooks and Moving Comfort gear, Brooks is setting up tricked out toilets on race day at the Rock ‘n’ Roll Las Vegas Marathon and 1/2 Marathon starting line.

Enjoy a spacious, climate-controlled restroom with running water, flushing toilets, and some Run Happy® surprises. To claim your VIP access you must do ONE of the following:

Head to a participating retailer October 31 – December 1, 2011, and purchase $100 in Brooks or Moving Comfort apparel or Brooks shoes. Offer valid at listed locations only (see list online).

– OR –

Come to the Health & Fitness Expo presented by Power Balance on December 2-3 and purchase $150 in official Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon merchandise, Brooks apparel or running shoes, or Moving Comfort apparel.

You’ll receive a special sticker for your race bib that gives you access to the Brooks VIP Porta Potty staffed by Brooks employees and volunteers from participating Las Vegas-area retailers.

Please note: Passes are available while supplies last. To maximize your enjoyment, the total number admitted is capped. The Brooks VIP Porta Potty will be available on race day from 2:00 to 5:45 p.m., and we strongly recommend arriving early.

Holy Club Honey Bucket (that’s the name of a popular porta potty company for those of you who don’t know. Don’t ask me how I know that). Is this now “a thing?” And is it only for the Las Vegas Rock n Roll ½ (which I’m currently training for)?

Wait, is there a BUTLER??

Alas, no it is not. I looked on my Twitter feed and there was a tweet from my favorite local running store touting their Brooks VIP Porta Potty for this weekend’s Marine Corp Marathon. Apparently, this is, indeed, “a thing.”

Now, my first instinct, like any girl who enjoys the finer things in life, is hellz yeah. I want to “potty like a rock star” and “take my pre-race potty break in luxury.” I want to sit in a “spacious, climate-controlled restroom with running water and flushing toilets.” And I’m beyond intrigued by what “Run Happy® surprises” might be mine for the taking. Are we talking special toilet paper here? I’m very suspicious of surprises in general (I mean, it could be an unpleasant surprise) but still, incredibly curious.

Plus, I need that access! Have you seen the porta-potties at a race? They’re not very nice. And there are a lot of people waiting to use them. And, I have the World’s Smallest Bladder®, so the idea of instant and frequent bathroom access is quite attractive to me.

Plus, plus, I need new running shoes at some point before the race and if I am spending the money anyways, I might as well get a “special sticker giving me access to the Brooks VIP Porta Potty staffed by Brooks employees and volunteers” – (sidenote: eeeewww. That has to be the suckiest volunteer job ever. Can you imagine showing up on race day, ready to hand out water or cheer on racers and finding out that instead, you’ll be manning the porta potty? Uuuuuh, no thanks.)

But after quickly perusing the list of participating retailers and determining that I could not buy my shoes here in DC in the next month or so (which I desperately need to do) and get my sticker for the RnR event, I became righteously indignant.

Suddenly, I became one of the great unwashed masses, denied entry into the best bathroom. Instead, I’ll have to slum it with all the other runners at the non-exclusive porta potty. No Run Happy® surprises for me.

And so, my fellow LVRNR runners, I suggest that we mobilize. We have to show those elitist that we’re not going to take any of their crap (PUN: INTENDED). We must start a (bowel) movement that will be heard across the country.

We must Occupy the Brooks VIP Porta Party.

Let’s take a (toilet) seat for democracy. We are the 99% and we have to go to the bathroom.

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