People on Twitter are Real Jerkwads (Myself Included)

So I was monitoring my super important social presence yesterday on this platform the kids call “Twitter,” when I saw this amazing tweet/free giveaway opportunity pop up.

@HuffPostParents: Fill in the blank: “I want to thank my kids for ___” Tweet back #thankyoukids

Now, I don’t follow @HuffPostParents. Obviously. It was something retweeted by @HuffPost, which I do follow. And by the way, I don’t really appreciate them filling my Twitter stream with this parental crap. If I had wanted to read that, I would have signed up for it. Anywhoooo….

Thinking I was the cleverest thing since Miley Cyrus supporting Occupy Wall Street, I immediately took to my keyboard and shot off this hilarious entry:

.@HuffPostParents “I want to thank my kids for remaining as eggs in my uterus and not being born.” Did I win the giveaway? #thankyoukids

Much merriment ensued. I was LOLZing and ROFLing all over the place. My sides hurt from laughing so hard at my own joke. My knee was red from slapping it so much (that’s right, that tweet was a knee slapper).

"Poe, gurl, you are so crazy! BTW, do you have any salvia?"

About a minute or so later, I wanted to check on my progress in the contest. I was sure I would have received a tweet or direct message by then confirming that yes, my tweet was the best, most-prize-worthy tweet ever conceived (Get it? Conceived? PUN INTENDED).

I used the #thankyoukids hashtag to find other entries and Holy Snarkfest. Would you believe there are people out there on Twitter even funnier than me??

slcitygirl says .@HuffPostParents I want to thk my kids for not being born yet, so I can have this scooter all to myself #thankyoukids

(Apparently, the prize in the giveaway was a scooter. In all my self-hilarity, I didn’t even try to ascertain what the prize was. But I’d take a scooter.)

Then, the appropriately named RadicalRuss said:

 “.@HuffPostParents I want to thank my kids for never existing (or, at least, not informing me if they do.) #thankyoukids”

AdamPitcher went a little blue on this one, and kinda gross:

“I want to thank my kids for not getting upset even though they live in a discarded tissue inside of an old trader joe’s bag #thankyoukids”

My favorite was Wendizzle71

 “@HuffPostParents I want to thank my kids for knockers that slap my kneecaps when they’re unleashed! #thankyoukids”

KngHnryVIII (as in Henry Tudor) has some issues:

“I want to #thankyoukids for filling my life with such misery I’ve come to view my eventual death as a merciful gift.”

There were a whole bunch of other, more sincere tweets, in case you were wondering. All kinds of sappy stuff that’s not really fit to print on this blog.

No word yet from @HuffPostParents on when they’re sending my scooter. But I figure it’s going to either me or Wendizzle71.

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