Some See Assault, I See Incredibly High Standards on Celebrity Minutae

Sure, this is an entirely appropriate response to a situation that doesn’t need to exist.

Ronald Deaver, 31, of Parma, was arrested and charged with felonious assault for allegedly stabbing a 48-year-old Garfield Heights man following an argument.

Det. Compton says the fight began because the victim did not know that singer Beyonce‘s husband is rapper Jay-Z.

Everyone knows we were married on April 4, 2008. It's practically a holiday.

I really don’t see the problem here. I myself have been known to trip people (to the ground!) who did not know the names of all of Brad and Angelina’s offspring.

And I once cut my eyes at someone who mistakenly thought that Jennifer Lopez was dating Bradley Cooper (they were just having dinner together people! Doesn’t mean they’re dating!)

And don’t even let me tell you what I would do to someone who would dare to suggest that Kim Kardashian’s bootie was fake. (I’ll give you a hint: it would involve standing in their personal space and waving my arms near their head while declaring, “I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you. I’m not. I’m not touching you.” Get my drift? While not deadly, that is very, very annoying. That would certainly teach that person a lesson.)

So just do yourself a favor and get yourself a subscription to US Weekly, Star, OK, Life and Style, and InTouch. We cannot have people going around thinking the King and Queen of Hip Hop are just shacking up and having babies out of wedlock and whatnot.

Educate yourself before you get shot. That’s my motto.

"Baby, that girl over there behind the US Weekly is giving me some scary eyes."


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