Wedding Weekend Blowout

As predicted on Friday, this weekend was a debacle. Lots and lots of excess and bad decisions on my part. And conveniently, there are no photos of me since both of my camera batteries died. Oh well! (But I do have a few photos of the wedding and the happy couple)

The happy (?) couple. Not sure what she's crying about. I thought she looked very nice. (kidding. I get it. Weddings make broads cry.)

Here’s a partial list of what I did not do this weekend:

  • Did not help my chef-for-life partner XFE with the 21 pds of brisket and two chickens he made for Amy’s rehearsal dinner on Friday.
  • Did not run a 5k that I had signed up and paid for that occurred on Sunday.
  • Did not iron shirts.
  • Did not go to the grocery store.
  • Did not clean out the fridge before putting the trash out.

Here’s a pretty accurate and complete list of what I did do this weekend (primarily on a very rainy Sunday):

  • Laid on the couch moaning about drinking too much at Amy’s wedding and the rehearsal dinner the night before.
  • Laid on the couch moaning about my aching feet after wearing my six-inch Louboutin’s for six hours of standing and shaking my groove thing quite hard.
  • Moaned through approximately eight hours of reality television.
  • Demolished a large pizza.
They got married in this adorable little gazebo.

So yeah. Acting like a jackass. The good news for my liver is that this is probably the last wedding we have to go to for the forseeable future. I’m sure all of our friends will now transition to the baby-having stage, but no way in hell I’m going to any baby showers, I don’t care if they do try to lure me with wine.

Yep, that Amy kid cleans up pretty good.

Speaking of babies, there were about 8 pregnant women at Amy’s wedding. EIGHT. That’s out of approximately 60 guests. Literally, one out of every 10 people you talked to was preggers or had gotten someone pregnant. I made it a point to high-five every guy with a pregnant girl and shout “Hey! Look what you did! Awesome, dude!”

The wedding was nice and short and the reception was, obviously, a lot of fun. I danced like a maniac, and of course, fell on my ass a couple of times, particularly during my own personal rendition of Flo-Rida’s “Low.”

At the reception. I'm pretty sure the blonde in the background is pregnant.

I also inadvertently insulted a pregnant woman. Of course. I always, ALWAYS, inadvertently insult someone whenever I’m in a social situation. In fact, I’m sure there were other incidents that I’m just now aware of. But this particular incident was at the actual wedding ceremony.

I was talking about how I was going to go home to change from my turquoise dress into a black dress for the reception because I consider it bad luck to wear black to a wedding.  Sorry, but black is for funerals, not weddings.

Of course, every pregnant woman at the ceremony (I think there were around 4 of them) was wearing black, including one standing right next to me listening in.

This was right before I pushed the bride and groom off the dance floor so I could get my grind on.

And can we just talk about pregnant women wearing black for a second?? Really? I know black is slimming, but seriously, you aren’t fooling anyone. We can all make out that you’re pregnant. Go ahead and wear a damn color.

So that’s it. The weekend in a nutshell. Full of drinking and pregnant women. I wonder if the two are related somehow.

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