What I Do When XFE is Away

My caretaker-for-life XFE is out of town for work. He actually travels for work quite a bit. I used to get really annoyed about that. For some reason, I thought he was out, galavanting and having a grand ole time.

But, I’ve travelled. I’ve been in an airport and dealt with long security lines. I’ve been at a hotel check-in counter and been told that my room isn’t ready yet. I’ve rented a car and had to drive around in a town you don’t necessarily know you’re way around. I’ve tried to find breakfast, lunch and dinner in a foreign town.

Did that bitch get more champagne than me?

So, even though he’s traveling for work, and it is the same handful of cities, I no longer think he’s out on some wild bachelor’s weekend.

I also use this time apart to have a little Poe party. Ms. Petunia and I do tons of girly things without some boy about. Toons doesn’t share the couch with me like she normally does and instead she takes over XFE’s chair.

She’s in a cheese coma.

We watch really crappy reality TV that even XFE (who will normally watch anything) would turn his nose up at. Stuff like Teen Mom.

We also eat a lot of cheese and other snacky foods. Like, for dinner. With sparkling wine.

And, we take lots of long, bubble baths. Well, I do. Petunia sits on the toilet and watches.

My bubble baths are a bit less salacious.

While I always enjoy the time apart, it doesn’t take me long to fall into my slovenly lazy ways and within about 24 hours, I start to really miss XFE and the structure he brings to my life. (By structure, I mean how he bosses me around, obviously. Asking me things like, “Did you shower today? Did you feed your cat?” What a nag.)

XFE left on a Wednesday. That night, I went for a very sweaty and humid run, laid in the tub for 100 years before finally dragging myself out and making fajitas with leftover steak.  So far so good: I worked out and managed to feed myself with items currently in the house.

Yep, everyone is fed and well-behaved so far.

Thursday, well….  Instead of working out, I went to DSW and bought three pairs of work shoes. OK, but to be fair, I’ve really started to notice how much my shoe repairs are costing me and well, it just makes sense to just start buying new shoes instead of constantly repairing them. Right?? Plus, I had a $10 coupon.

No edible shoes at DSW, but I feel like Lisa would agree with my logic.

And, instead of coming home and cooking after that little spree, I picked up sushi. When I got home, I watched three episodes of Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding, which has been on my to-do list for a really long time, so that’s progress.

Andy Cohen, I love you. You too, Kim. Kroy, you’re alright.

And, I stayed up waaaay too late finishing The Book Thief, which is a really good book, but if you have problems sleeping, like I do, you really shouldn’t stay up late doing anything. You should go to bed and try to snatch as much sleep as you can before you wake up at 3:30 am and can’t get back to sleep again until 6 am, about 20 minutes before the alarm goes off. Which is precisely what happened this morning. While Petunia was snoring away right next to me.

OK, so Thursday was a bit of a mess.

Friday went slightly better. I did go for a mosquito-infested run along the waterfront. Which meant I could spend the evening drinking this fine swill while watching Friday night HGTV programming.

Why yes, that is an OK magazine open next to the sparkling moscato.

There’s a show on HGTV that is all about organizing celebrity and million-dollar closets. I have a total closet fetish. I’m obsessed with closet organizing. Ob. Sessed. I love organized things and I love clothes. The Container Store is my nirvana. So finding this show is major. I’ve got to check and see if it’s available On Demand.

Those Housewives have the best closets.

Oh, and dinner was some very fine cuisine of a lean variety. That would be a Lean Cuisine, for those of you with less sophisticated palates than my own.

Let me tell you, it’s a wild Friday night without XFE around. Good thing he’s back tomorrow night. That gives me only about 8 more hours of single girl debauchery.  Crap, that reminds me, I’ve got to some DSW bags to dispose of/hide.

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3 thoughts on “What I Do When XFE is Away

  1. This was so funny!! I know well the feeling of slowly deteriorating the more days my husband is away…although I always complain that I never get my ‘alone time’ when he’s here. Apparently I can’t handle ‘alone time’ anymore!

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