A Little Self-Help Reading

When I was a gypsy-nomad child, people (well, adults) disappeared all the time. One minute my mother’s boyfriend would be sharing a double-wide trailer with us and assorted other adults. The next, he’d have dipped out. No explanations were generally offered.

We even spent a stint living in Huntsville, under circumstances which now elude me. Either someone was in the penitentiary or someone was working there. I honestly don’t remember. All I remember about Huntsville is lots of pine trees, and a nearby college with frat houses that I was far too young to be hanging out at after school (I was definitely running with the wrong girls during our Huntsville days).

But Huntsville was just a pit-stop, and soon enough we did our own dip and hightailed it to El Paso under, again, circumstances I don’t recall. But I do remember things seemed very rushed and under-the-cover-of-night kind of. (I definitely did not run around with the wrong girls once we got to El Paso, which is a very, very good thing).

Now, in at least some of these instances, I suspect folks might have left without saying goodbye because of circumstances beyond their control. Say, perhaps, circumstances involving local authorities.

This book (which my former colleague Rebecca tipped me off to via Facebook) would have been helpful for those unexplained disappearances. As it was, I just assumed they got carted off by a dingo or someone had put a voodoo spell on them or something. The world is a very dangerous place.

The description reads: “When someone you love goes to jail, you might feel lost, scared, and even mad. What do you do? No matter who your loved one is, this story can help you through the tough times.”

I love this book for many reasons, including the sad little bunny’s face on the cover. You feel his pain. It looks to me, based on the drawing he’s composing, that a vehicle was involved, so I’m going to guess that Daddy Buns went to the pokie because of grand theft auto or carjacking or perhaps driving a get-away vehicle of some sort.

The reviews, however, are what really make this book shine. Such ringing and heart-felt endorsements that haven’t been seen since the Three Wolves Howling at the Moon T-Shirt odes (over 2,000 hilariously sarcastic reviews since 2008 and climbing!).

One reviewer felt that the book was too politically correct and “sugar-coated” the jail experience:

“Ernest Goes To Jail” did a better job of scaring kids away from a life of crime.

Wow. Harsh. Another, reader says:

One thing I didn’t like about the book was that the characters were rabbits now my sons think that zoo animals are at the jail and ask to see the animals every time they visit.

This review, I can actually agree with.

The author, Melissa Higgins, is quite prolific and also wrote this gem featuring a fun family of foxes:

Oh, I can address this – expect lots of hostile phone calls about pickup times and needing to swap weekends because Mama Fox’s new hot Latin lady love wants to take the RV to Dollywood that weekend, and those plans most definitely do not include rugrats or curtain climbers.

Higgins also has a couple of other books, but they’re not nearly as fun – one is about Taylor Swift (snore). Another is about Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. That seems….discordant.

Personally, I plan to update my reading list with this related item (thanks, Amazon!). Seems like the perfect summer beach read.

Here are a few more: (By the way, I plan to start buying all of these books as baby shower gifts.)