So Would That Make You Mr. Lion?

In honor of Bow-Wow-Wow-Yippee-Yo-Yippee-Yay, I’ve decided to change my name. I, too, have been filled with the spirit of reggae (or, at least, a passing fondness of No Doubt) and henceforth, I shall be called, The Poe Lion.

I said “Poe Lion,” not “Poe Raven.”

(Cuba Gooding, take note. You might be needing to look into a little ol’name change yourself, sweet cheeks. And maybe a dash for the border and less legalistic environs.)

Proving that you can overdose on marijuana, my favorite Doggfather has pulled a Prince on us (we miss you, oh purple one) and gone from a former-Crip-professional-pimp-gangsta-rapper to a Rastafarian. OK, it’s not exactly like Prince, but I tend to lump all alternative naming together (Beyonce/Sasha Fierce; Garth Brooks/Chris Gaines; Sean Combs to…take your pick).

Dogg, nee Lion, explained his decision to reporters on Monday.

“I didn’t know that until I went to the temple, where the High Priest asked me what my name was, and I said, ‘Snoop Dogg.’ And he looked me in my eyes and said, ‘No more. You are the light; you are the lion.’ From that moment on, it’s like I had started to understand why I was there.”

I’m sorry, you said what?

Well, there was your first mistake: going to church. I avoid those places myself. So…why not Snoop Light? Or, Snoop Lite, as I would do.

He also claims to be the reincarnated Bob Marley, which seems a bit difficult to pull off since Marley died in 1981 and ol’ Calvin Broadus Jr. was born in 1971. So….what? He entered your body AFTER you were born? I thought reincarnation took place at like birth or something. Like, born, live, die, re-born. Isn’t that the cycle? And why Snoop Lion? Does this have something to do with the Lion King and therefore, the Circle of Life, ie; reincarnation?

Whoa. I just blew my own mind.

What I don’t understand is why Snoop didn’t go country when he had the chance? I mean, him and Willie Nelson both share a love of getting caught by the police, and they did make a country song together, called “Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die,” a beautiful tribute to a certain illegal substance. Snoop’s name could have been Snoop Jackalope.

This would be a drunk jackalope zombie, for those who can’t tell. It’s the closest thing I could find to a Rastafarian jackalope.
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3 thoughts on “So Would That Make You Mr. Lion?

  1. I hadn’t heard the Lion thing until last night at bedtime, when my husband mentioned it to me. At first, I didn’t believe him, then I got a little hysterical. The name change just keeps things interesting to those of us who celebrity-watch. We’re so pedestrian… keeping our own names. Bo-ring.

    1. Once i started researching all the celebrities who had changed their names, i was gobsmacked. Athletes are almost as wishy washy. Im looking at you, Ochocinco and Meta World Peace.

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