*Let me start by apologizing for the photos. I was very lackadaisical about taking pictures, so I stole the majority of these from other people, so there’s some variance in terms of size, especially.
There was a crime at this weekend’s Porktober. A crime against humanity. Someone ate all of the mozzarella out of the caprese salad, leaving only the cherry tomatoes.
I’m serious! What kind of person does that?? It is the great mystery of Porktober 2012, which is finally in the record books. And what an event it was. It far surpassed last year’s event, both in number of attendees and just general over-the-topness.
We went to our local butcher, Let’s Meat on the Avenue (see what he did there? “Meat” instead of “meet??” He’s Australian and very clever, obviously).
Our butcher Steve brought out our little piggy, which I named Glitsy after the pet pig on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, a fine piece of television art which I very much enjoy. (And that’s their spelling of Glitsy. I know there’s supposed to be a “z” in glitz.)
After a night on ice in my bathtub, Glitsy went to the XFE beauty parlor where she got a makeover from XFE and one of our event co-hosts, Leland (husband of former running-buddy Amy).
But she still needed a tan, so over the coals she went.
Guests started showing up at 3:30 and the drinking began. People brought loads of drinks, including the intriguingly named Fireballs (some sort of cinnamon whiskey, I believe.) and a punch involving apple cider, Captain Morgan’s run and Goldschlager.
The pig took about 9 hours to roast, so we made sure we had lots of other snacks on hand, including about 12 pounds of bacon, pigs in a blanket, and something that co-host Kevin called “atomic buffalo balls,” which involved green chiles stuffed with sausage, cheese and wrapped in bacon and slow smoked. They. Were. Awesome. Plus we had slaw and potato salad and the previously mentioned, compromised caprese salad.
Oh, and there was swag. Like, koozies and stadium cups.
And, as hosts, we all, of course, had to wear matching shirts.
Finally, Glitsy was ready and the boys got BUSY. It was a frenzy.
Glitsy was decimated. Only her head was left (and actually, I think her cheeks were consumed soon after this picture.
Pretty gorey stuff. And it was all brought to you by this group of hoodlums, who are already making even bigger plans for next year.
That delicate little blonde in the middle there was quite insistent that we should make every effort next year to have LL Cool J attend, because, as she tipsily put it, “We’re doing it, we’re doing it, we’re doing it well.” I’m sure Glitsy would agree.
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