Things That Aren’t Cool: Evil Elmos, NASA

What with some presidential candidates publicly taking aim at Big Bird, Sesame Street has been in the news a lot lately.

And never one to miss an opportunity, those media whores over at NASA are trying to elbow their way into the limelight. Again. (I’m looking at you, Mars Rover guy, with your Mohawk and your Tumblr page and scienceness and whatnot.)

I stumbled across this bit of “news” (incredibly clever lede though, I’ll give MSNBC a hat tip on that):

An impact basin spotted on Mercury with two smaller craters above it looks remarkably like the sweet treat-loving Cookie Monster muppet of “Sesame Street” fame — at least to the eyes of scientists working on NASA’s Messenger mission to the small planet.

The researchers posted a photo of the crater arrangement with the title “Anyone Else Think This Looks Like the Cookie Monster?” on the Flickr page of NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Md., today (Oct. 12).

True Confession: I have a bit of a grudge against NASA. No, I wasn’t denied entry into space camp or something lame and nerdy like that (what’s that? My boyfriend for life, XFE went to space camp? Oh, well then. Space camp is the coolest!!).

I just feel like the whole space program is a colossal waste of federal tax dollars. I’m not the least bit curious about space, the moon, Mars, Milky Way, or any other Sesame Street-inspired celestial bodies that might be out there.

I categorically do not believe in alien life forms (a non-belief that truly goes against my superstitious redneck upbringing) and I don’t care if there’s other life out there, I really don’t. We should not be spending an average of $16 billion (with a B!) a year on that crap.

Not to be outdone, someone apparently called Evil Elmo is back in the news too (but I think the Interior Department might have put him up to this to get some attention on national parks funding).

“Earlier this summer, Adam Sandler (no relation to the comedian) was escorted out of New York’s Central Park after yelling profanities and anti-Semitic slurs while dressed in an Elmo suit.

And according to reports on parent blogs, Sandler (or an impostor) was up to his antics again at San Francisco’s Rossi Park on Saturday.

“Something was off about him from the start,” wrote one parent in a parent message board email published by the San Francisco Chronicle. “As he passed all of us to leave, he started yelling obscenities and anti-Semitic slurs. He just went nuts.”

“The cops showed up as this dude was undressing in the corner of the tennis courts, back into his street clothes,” the email continued.

Listen up puppets, I get it. It’s hard out there on the mean Streets of Sesame. Y’all got some stress.

The economy is in the garbage (no offense, Oscar) and you’ve got that snooty one-percenter The Count walking around bragging about all his ducats.

But you guys have got to pull yourselves together. Sure, it might mean cutting some corners – maybe you’ll have to get a roommate like Bert and Ernie. Maybe you’ll have to appear in some political ads to make a little birdseed. You might have to cut back on your cookie addiction or stop shopping in Mr. Hooper’s undoubtedly overpriced store (lack of competition means monopoly, Hooper).

But we’re all going to get through this. Even NASA will probably be fine at the end of the day. Despite my efforts to undermine them.

So let’s just all keep our clothes on while out in public, shall we?

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