Petunia P. Cat better get her act together.
(The ‘P’ is for Poe, obv. She’s actually got a hyphenated last name, but XFE doesn’t want his last name blasted out all over the blog. I think it’s because he’s worried he might get Catfished, or something.
Sidenote to above sidenote: OBSESSED with that MTV show by the way. And the Manti Te’o story as well. Basically, any story about how shady seemingly normal people can be, grabs my attention. Along with the whole fall-from-grace thing. I’m looking at you Lance Armstrong. I read the entire 186 page report. SHAD. EE.)
What was I saying? Oh yeah. Toons. She apparently is falling down on her cat duties.
For example, she has never tried to help me escape from a Brazilian prison by smuggling in a cellphone, drills, small saws and other contraband taped to her ample body.
I’ve seen her carry mouthfuls of cat kibble from her feed bowl and drop them in her water dish, but I’ve never once seen use those chipmunk cheeks to do any good for humanity.
Nor, has she ever brought me any gifts of leaves, sticks, twigs, plastic cups or paper towels. And I seriously doubt that she’ll keep a vigil at my grave like this 3-year old Italian cat named Toldo. He has apparently been visiting the grave of his former owner every day for the past year and leaving small presents at the grave.
With Petunia, presents are a strictly one-way street and she’s on the receiving end of that cul de sac. For example: last weekend, we were worried that she might be getting a little bored. It’s understandable: she’s an only cat, left alone for hours a day. And she’d been tearing around the house from room-to-room in the middle of the night. It seemed like she had a lot of pent up energy and not enough stimuli.
So, being good little cat parents, we went out and bought her some elaborate jungle gym. Which she has since ignored. She did show some moderate interest in the box it came in, however.
Also: she has been singularly unhelpful when it comes to household chores, such as the laundry.
She used to at least supervise the ironing, but nowadays she’s not even really doing that. She does still like to lay on folded clothes though, so there’s that.
Yep, Petunia better get with on that jungle gym, build up her core strength and start bringing me some damn twigs, or there’s going to be a lot less of this going on.