I know from personal experience that soy sauce can ruin walls. And I know from personal experience that soy sauce can lead to bickering that ruins an otherwise nice evening with your loved ones.
Apparently, I’m not the only one to have learned this lesson.
According to the San Mateo Daily Journal, a dispute over soy sauce at Su Hong restaurant in Menlo Park, Calif. last Aug. 21, has landed former NFL player Kwame Harris in court after he assaulted his ex-boyfriend.
Now, I do not know young Kwame Harris, however, I am certainly interested in hearing more about any “assault” that flares up over soy sauce.
The dispute started when Harris got upset at his friend, Dimitri Geier, for pouring soy sauce on a plate of rice.
OK, so not quite the same as tripping on a stair and sending soy sauce flying onto light yellow walls, but still eerily familiar. Also, why would pouring (not flinging) soy sauce get someone so upset? It’s not like the long-suffering boyfriend had to clean it up, or anything.
According to the paper, which was citing a suit filed in San Mateo County Superior Court, the two argued for seven minutes after the soy sauce was poured, and Harris said he wasn’t going to take Geier to the airport as he had said he would.
Hold up…..seven minutes? Pshaw. I think pouring unwanted soy sauce on someone’s rice is certainly worth at least seven minutes of public arguing. I believe when I (accidentally) flung soy sauce on our dining room walls, XFE and I steamed and pouted for at least an hour. I did not, however, threaten to revoke airport drop-off privileges. That’s just wrong.
When the two went to get Geier’s belongings from Harris’ car, Harris accused Geier of stealing his underwear and tried pulling the man’s pants down.
Best. Argument. Ever. Stealing underwear? And in retaliation, pulling the man’s pants down? To what end? To ascertain whether the accused perpetrator is wearing the purloined underwear? Were you perhaps thinking of entering the underwear into evidence, young Harris?
Geier tried unsuccessfully to get away, and Harris shook Geier and punched his arms, the paper said. Harris is 6-foot-7 and 240 pounds and Geier is 6-1, 220 pounds. The paper said Geier allegedly struck Harris three times in the face, and then Harris punched Geier several times in the face.
Oh snap. Sounds like things got pretty ugly.
Geier was taken to an emergency room, and had surgery to repair broken orbital bones and required a metal plate to fix the damage, the paper said. The Daily Journal said Geier has filed a civil suit against Harris for assault, battery, false imprisonment, negligence and both intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress. Harris could also face up to seven years in prison if convicted, Guidotti told the paper.
Yep, things definitely spiraled out of control here.
OK, so the lesson I think we can all glean from this is: soy sauce is incredibly dangerous and as far as condiments go, is probably the most likely to provoke an argument. But, in all fairness, so is stealing someone’s underwear.