The World is Such a Weird and Disturbing Place

I went for drinks with the some ladies the other night. Not just some random ladies, mind you. I actually knew the ladies. So, don’t worry. No stranger danger.

As these things are sometimes wont to do, the talk at one point turned to dating in D.C. Specifically, now difficult it could be. Or for some of us old ladies, how difficult it had been, back in the day. Pre-XFE-fineness.

I, like many ladies in D.C., had a horrible time dating here. I went on a lot of first and last dates. The pinnacle of my illustrious dating history was an evening where a guy I brought to a party left the party with another girl. We were on our first, and last, date.

I never did try online dating, but I certainly did think about it. And, there seems to be a dating site for everyone. One for cat lovers, of course (Purrsonals.com) I’ve also seen the truly masterpiece-level commercial for FarmersOnly.com, which has the excellent tagline: “City folks just don’t get it.”

 

Into the undead? You’ve got a couple of websites to chose from. Zombie Passions is for “zombie lovers & people who have been working in a dead-end job for too long.” Zombie Singles promises “a Zombifier to create your own Zombie profile picture, then meet and browse other Zombies from around the world!” But I couldn’t get it to load on my computer.

From the people who brought you Zombie Passions, we have Vampire Passions, of course. There are actually a whole lot of vampire sites: DateVampires, Vampersonals, and the broader GothicMatch. And from the people who brought you Zombie Passions and Vampire Passions, there’s WerewolfPassions.

And now, finally, there is a dating site for ghosts seeking other ghosts. Because ghosts need love too. What, no GhostPassions? Here’s an excellent description: “Finally, a dating site for singles who know how to get a life! Well, an afterlife. Okay, maybe some sort of in-between, nether-world, ethereal existence. But if you’re looking for love, and you’re dead, Ghost Singles is the site for you.”

Considering how some guys just disappear when you’re dating them, seems like Ghost Singles would actually be a pretty good place to find someone who may or may not actually exist.

ghost boyfriend

During our Lush Ladies Happy Hour, we also discussed another disturbing new trend: Dinosaur erotica. I mean, we discussed it in between contemplating the subtleties of the government shutdowns long-term effects on the voting electorate and solving the debt ceiling crisis with sound fiscal policies that could garner bipartisan support, of course.

But back to the dinosaur erotica. Yeah. That’s a thing. Here’s E! Online’s description:

Christie Sims and Alara Branwen are two authors who have garnered lots of attention lately for their “monster sex” erotica. Mainly, woman getting it on with dinosaurs. But they’re not limited to the prehistoric period, they also have stories of women having sex with weretigers, ogres, dragons, whatever.

You know, I’m a pretty socially liberal person, particularly when it comes to extinct reptiles. But even I cringed at this passage supplied by Huffington Post:

She wasn’t sure if her sudden arousal was because of her earlier thwarted climax in the cool stream, or if she was just desperate for one last pleasant sensation before being torn limb from limb by the great, scaly beast. Either way, Azog relished the rasp of its tongue, hot and rough, on her sensitive skin.

Huffington Post also has this excellent interview with the two authors tackling the really important questions, like which dinosaur makes the best cuddlers and how T-rex’s short arms are a problem during lovemaking.

I didn’t find a dating site for dinosaur lovers, but I did find something called a “dating sim,” which appears to be some sort of Third Life, alternative online thing. It’s called Jurassic Heart. Of course.

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