When Life Hands You Lemons, Use Them as Weapons

At work a few weeks back, we did this exercise to kick off a brainstorming session <insert eyeroll>.

We were supposed to visualize a lemon, and then write on a piece of paper all the things that you could do with a lemon.

My new boss, Tina, filled her whole page with very practical, Hints from Heloise type stuff: “use the juice to clean windows,” “use the rind on a stinky garbage disposal,” “use it to lighten your hair in the sun.”

My old boss, Kevin, also filled his whole page, but he took a more philosophical approach, suggesting that you use the seeds to grow more trees, and more lemons.

I wrote down four things:

1. Throw it at coworkers who make you sit through brainstorming sessions.
2. Use it as a sidekick for a nice, frosty glass of sweet ice tea.
3. Make a tiny, bitter jack-o-lantern.
4. Squeeze the juice in someone’s eye and rob them.

I guess the invisible ink was already on the lemon juice-splashed wall.

My employer and I have consciously uncoupled. We’ve agreed to disagree, go our separate ways, and see other people.

I’m starting a new chapter. I’m available for freelance gigs. My resume and writing samples are available on this blog. And if anyone is looking for an experienced, hard-working, smart, funny, and yes, slightly warped writer/editor/digital storyteller who may or may not have a weird violent streak, drop me a line at thepoelog (at) gmail (dot) com.

Just don’t try to pay me in lemons.