I know I declared romance to be all but dead just last week, but I wanted to share a recent text exchange between myself and my spousal equivalent, XFE. I think it perfectly highlights how love (and concern for your partner’s welfare) can continue to bloom despite distance, bad dining choices, and self-inflicted injuries.
Sure, it’s not the passionate stuff we used to send each other 10 or so years ago, but just knowing I can inadvertently scare the bejesus out of XFE on a moment’s notice is it’s own kind of small thrill.
Let me set the scene: XFE was hundreds of miles away on a mid-week work trip in a town with limited dining options. I have made dinner for myself at home, courtesy of Blue Apron.
This fairly typical, totally normal text exchange illustrates a couple of things:
- Fried sage is a lovely and tasty garnish, but deceptively dangerous.
- I am prone to choking (true.)
- XFE is a very tolerant boyfriend who is used to high drama and hyperbole.
- Cats are horrible EMTs; ergo:
- I will probably die at home alone from a freak choking incident only to be found by XFE days later with a cat nibbling on my toe. (My biggest fear).
XFE: Took the crew to Ruby Tuesday for dinner tonight.
Me: Nice. Did you get fries?
XFE: No, I am having a salad, fish tacos and ice t
Me: If you come home and I’m dead, it’s because I have a piece of fried sage lodged in my throat. On the left hand side. Just scratching and stuck.
Me: Thanks, Blue Apron.
XFE: Try some water.
XFE: R u going to be ok?
Me: It’s just annoying. I’m not coughing or choking or anything.
XFE: Well, the “I’m dead” might have indicated it could have been more serious.
Me: Sorry. It was really annoying.
XFE: Glad ur ok
Me: I think I’m gonna make it. Call off the 911. Petunia finally showed up to seek her dinner, so I feel like I’m in good hands.
XFE: Glad to hear HR has u covered.
Me: You know it. Whew.
Me: Also, I burned my thumb. Knew I shoulda ordered pizza.
XFE: Sorry to hear. R u ok?
Me: Yes, it was actually really good. Now I’m watching a documentary with Toons. Bye.