Friday Links: Bunnies and Breaking Bad Edition

My bosses have been out this week. By bosses, I mean my editor, who’s on vacation this week and next. And my lifestyle-coordinator-manager XFE. He’s abandoned me for a cross-country golf trip with his dad to celebrate Senior XFE’s retirement.

This means I have to single-handedly run a multimedia information empire (hey, we post videos sometimes), and attend the approximately bazillion meetings that my work boss attends (including meetings to discuss work products that cannot be worked on because of mandatory attendance at said meetings where we discuss the potential work products that can someday be worked on if one is not in meetings.)

Literally, one of my notes from a recent meeting suggests we take a Facebook poll on which filter to use on an Instagram of our forthcoming infographic, and then write an online story about the poll results, which we should then pin via our association Pinterest account and reblog on our campaign/initiative’s Tumblr. Obviously, tweeting from our various Twitter accounts along the way. It was all very META. And hopefully, a joke.

Wait, what was I saying? Oh yes, not only am I booty-cheek deep in all that outlined above, BUT, I also have to care for and feed myself this week, including setting my own alarm, which I failed to do this morning. (And also, feed and care for my chubby cat. But really, that’s just a footnote.)

As a result of managing my own life in both a professional and personal sense, I am quite the tired bunny. In fact, I’m such a tired bunny, I stole this gif of a tired worker bunny from this Texan, who is a freaking hilarious genius.

 

Every time I’ve felt stressed out the last couple of days, I’ve looked at that gif. It slays me.

Here’s some other things from around the InterWebs that have helped me get through the week.

  • In honor of Shark Week, a video of a dissection of a Mako shark. Spoiler alert: his last meal was a 200-pound seal.
  • I feel like every year, just as Porktober is poking its pointy pink ears up over the horizon, there’s a story warning about bacon shortages. Here’s this year’s. And now I’m going to be obssessed about Porcine Epidemic Diarrhea virus. Awesome.
  • The Duggars better watch out. Deadbeat dad Orlando Shaw, who has 22 kids from 14 different women, says he’s got a reality show in the works. I dunno, if they couldn’t get All My Babies’ Mamas made, what chance does this guy have?
  • I hate WalMart and I love libraries. We need more of this.
  • Sephora is nirvana and I run around like an insane person who’s never been exposed to toiletry products every time I go in there. Which is why I try to order online instead.
  • Did you know there are an estimated 23,000 nuclear weapons in the world? That and other world enders are outlined in this terrifying infographic. Might as well hit up the casino (casino.org produced the infographic. No subtlety there.)
  • And finally, the most amazing thing in the history of ever (in just six minutes): a middle school musical version of Breaking Bad. These kids deserve an Emmy. Or, at least, a trip to Comic-Con next year.
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I’m Now Ready to Take the Bar Exam (That’s the Given at a Bar, Right?)

Well hellllllooo there! Sorry to neglect this little ol’blog here but work has been kicking my butt this week.

This image, by the way, is from a yoga blog. That just cracks me up.

Anyway, like I was saying, work has been mildly panic-inducing. For one thing, I attended two all-day summit/event/type thingies full of super smart people sitting on panels or standing behind podiums talking about really important national and economical issues, including this legally-lawyerly one I went to on Thursday.

And it’s a good thing I stuck with that lawyerly one, because I am now totally and eminently qualified to defend Justin Bieber in his latest lawsuit.

(No, it’s not another person claiming he knocked her up. Remember that? When for like, a hot half-a-minute we all thought Justin Bieber was getting his freaky-freak on instead of being the innocent little, barely teenage pop singer we had all thought him to be? I found it quite disturbing to even contemplate.)

Regardless of the state of his virginity, I do feel that the Beebs deserves proper legal representation. And, not only did I attend some legally summit, but my paralegal-for-life XFE and I have been powering through “Breaking Bad” on Netflix (that’s us, always late to the party). Right now we’re wrapping up season 3 and I feel like Saul Goodman is an appropriate role model for my future legal career.

Let’s take the merits of this complaint filed against one Justin-Deserves-Justice Beiber.

Charge A: Claimant charges he is Beiber’s biological dad.

Argument: Everyone knows the Beebs descended from marshmallow clouds of sweet, sweet pop music. No father necessary.

Charge B: Claimant charges he’s also the father of Selena Gomez.

Argument: Anyone with eyes in their head can see there is no resemblance between our angelic pop star and Ms. Selena. Plus, see argument outlined above.

Charge C: Claimant charges Bieber stole his credit card to pay for a penis enlargement.

Argument: He recently bought his first home. To the tune of $6.5 million. At 18 years old. I don’t think he’s struggling for scratch, no matter what kind of – ehem – improvements he’s trying to subsidize.

Charge D: Claimant charges that Bieber bought a load of cocaine for him and P-Diddy on the card.

Argument: This is the same kid who threw up on stage after eating spaghetti and washing it down with milk. And everyone knows Bieber hangs with Usher. Everybody except Ne-Yo, apparently. Speaking of Usher…..

Charge E: Claimant charges: that Usher came over to his house on July 4, 2012 and did some very ungentlemanly things to him while “blaring Kate Perry (sic) ‘firework’ song in my ear drums.”

Argument: While quite a vivid image is painted by our mystery claimant (all we know is that he’s from Michigan, which, by the way, begs the question of how one can file a lawsuit without giving one’s name), US Weekly provides photographic evidence of Usher’s whereabouts on July 4, 2012.

Charge F: Claimant charges: “Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my Canadian bear rug.”

Argument: Canadian bear rug? Does such a thing exist? (Apparently there are three different kinds of bears native to Canada, so this one might actually be true.)

Ladies and gentlemen of the tabloid jury, I rest my case. Now, let’s all just go back to worrying about whether Casey Anthony is a member of the Illuminati.