The World is Such a Weird and Disturbing Place

I went for drinks with the some ladies the other night. Not just some random ladies, mind you. I actually knew the ladies. So, don’t worry. No stranger danger.

As these things are sometimes wont to do, the talk at one point turned to dating in D.C. Specifically, now difficult it could be. Or for some of us old ladies, how difficult it had been, back in the day. Pre-XFE-fineness.

I, like many ladies in D.C., had a horrible time dating here. I went on a lot of first and last dates. The pinnacle of my illustrious dating history was an evening where a guy I brought to a party left the party with another girl. We were on our first, and last, date.

I never did try online dating, but I certainly did think about it. And, there seems to be a dating site for everyone. One for cat lovers, of course (Purrsonals.com) I’ve also seen the truly masterpiece-level commercial for FarmersOnly.com, which has the excellent tagline: “City folks just don’t get it.”

 

Into the undead? You’ve got a couple of websites to chose from. Zombie Passions is for “zombie lovers & people who have been working in a dead-end job for too long.” Zombie Singles promises “a Zombifier to create your own Zombie profile picture, then meet and browse other Zombies from around the world!” But I couldn’t get it to load on my computer.

From the people who brought you Zombie Passions, we have Vampire Passions, of course. There are actually a whole lot of vampire sites: DateVampires, Vampersonals, and the broader GothicMatch. And from the people who brought you Zombie Passions and Vampire Passions, there’s WerewolfPassions.

And now, finally, there is a dating site for ghosts seeking other ghosts. Because ghosts need love too. What, no GhostPassions? Here’s an excellent description: “Finally, a dating site for singles who know how to get a life! Well, an afterlife. Okay, maybe some sort of in-between, nether-world, ethereal existence. But if you’re looking for love, and you’re dead, Ghost Singles is the site for you.”

Considering how some guys just disappear when you’re dating them, seems like Ghost Singles would actually be a pretty good place to find someone who may or may not actually exist.

ghost boyfriend

During our Lush Ladies Happy Hour, we also discussed another disturbing new trend: Dinosaur erotica. I mean, we discussed it in between contemplating the subtleties of the government shutdowns long-term effects on the voting electorate and solving the debt ceiling crisis with sound fiscal policies that could garner bipartisan support, of course.

But back to the dinosaur erotica. Yeah. That’s a thing. Here’s E! Online’s description:

Christie Sims and Alara Branwen are two authors who have garnered lots of attention lately for their “monster sex” erotica. Mainly, woman getting it on with dinosaurs. But they’re not limited to the prehistoric period, they also have stories of women having sex with weretigers, ogres, dragons, whatever.

You know, I’m a pretty socially liberal person, particularly when it comes to extinct reptiles. But even I cringed at this passage supplied by Huffington Post:

She wasn’t sure if her sudden arousal was because of her earlier thwarted climax in the cool stream, or if she was just desperate for one last pleasant sensation before being torn limb from limb by the great, scaly beast. Either way, Azog relished the rasp of its tongue, hot and rough, on her sensitive skin.

Huffington Post also has this excellent interview with the two authors tackling the really important questions, like which dinosaur makes the best cuddlers and how T-rex’s short arms are a problem during lovemaking.

I didn’t find a dating site for dinosaur lovers, but I did find something called a “dating sim,” which appears to be some sort of Third Life, alternative online thing. It’s called Jurassic Heart. Of course.

trex11

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Friday Links: Cold Weather and Blue Skin Edition

sheryll princess

The spelling of my first name is pretty unique. I’ve never in my 41 years ever come across anybody else who spelled it the same way. It was actually really annoying when I was a kid and could never find anything personalized at those end-of-the-aisle displays at the truck stop.

But a coworker was at a birthday party in New York last weekend, and she saw a yacht with the same unusual spelling (she supplied the picture above). Sure enough: they have a whole website where you can rent a Sheryll Princess party boat! Having a personalized yacht is way better than some janky ol’ keychain with your name on it.

While I go and scheme on ways to repo my yacht (do you think I can just show them my license and make the case that the boat is indeed registered to my [first] name?), check out these links.

  • As a child of the 1980s, this is beyond awesome. Rufus Starlight. “We Are Brothers.” There just aren’t enough synthesizers and silver unitards at weddings these days. You really need to hang in there till the 4:55 minute mark.
  • Speaking of music videos, one of my Facebook friends dug up this ode (?) to Stonehenge from our favorite Norwegian variety show brothers. I love how they rhyme “so high” with “technolog—iiii” Also, the 1.50 minute mark? What the what?? Oh wait….Stonehenge rising. OK, I get it.
  • Dang. I only know fat, slutty, tatooed, single mom, Halle Berry look-a-likes. Guess I won’t get that finder’s fee from Sleepless in Austin, a wedding photographer/musician looking for a girlfriend. Good luck with that, jerk.
  • Greatest headline ever: Why do people want to eat babies? Also: I must be missing those reward censors they talk about. To me, babies smell like old milk (and sometimes poop), so, no, I do not have impulses to do anything with babies, let alone bite them.
  • This, quite predictably, cracked me up for the entire week, particularly the food bowl emergency. But I’ve also had a cat supervise me while I’m on my hands and knees in my work clothes retrieving cat toys from under sofas. We even have a stretched out wire hanger that we keep on hand for that task. The things we do…..
  • This news is over a month old, but I’m still angry about it. And fearful. Better figure out this whole layering business real fast. Because this winter is going to be cold, wet and white, according to the Farmer’s Almanac.
  • And yes, I still believe in the forecasting accuracy of Farmer’s Almanac. It’s far more reliable than listening to the forecasts from these two dueling weathermen. They got into a parking lot brawl over whether or not it was going to rain last weekend. OR DID THEY??
  • One more thing to freak out about: There are people out there with blue skin. Blue. Skin. Not just one person. More than one. Multiple people.  And not makeup. Like, real blue skin. It gives me the heebies even  thinking about it. I just know I would not stop staring.
blues
None of these guys are who I’m talking about. But man, there are a lot of blue people out there.
abc blue man
I’m talking about this guy. Yikes. Scary. And sad.