Cubicle Bingo

When I first saw this headline, my immediate reaction was “yes, I truly believe in my tiny Grinch-sized heart that they are.”

I do believe my coworkers are killing me. Slowly, methodically, kinda like Chinese water torture.

But I believe all of humanity is trying to push me over the edge, so yeah, my coworkers are probably in on it too. Anyway, here’s the upshot of the article, which is based on the findings of some study at Tel Aviv University.

“The first thing the researchers discovered is that office conditions matter. A lot. In particular, the risk of death seemed to be correlated with the perceived niceness of co-workers, as less friendly colleagues were associated with a higher risk of dying.”

Now, my co-workers are nice, so that’s not what kills me.  In fact, I’m probably the least nice employee in my cube farm. No, they kill me in other inane ways. And from talking with other friends and perusing this website here, I know that this is not totally an uncommon phenomenon. (And yes, I’m sure I have some super annoying work habits of my own, but someone will just have to start their own damn blog and write about those.)

So I’ve put together a little something I call Cubicle Bingo to start the week. Put a paperclip aside every time you hear or encounter one of the situations below (all of which, I have personally been privy to over the last five years. I’m not making up any of them). At the end of the day, gather up your paperclips and that’s how many drinks you should have at happy hour. Good luck!

  • Someone burps loudly.
  • Someone clips their nails over the trashcan.
  • Someone talks on the phone with their “mummy.”
  • Someone chastises and belittles their husband on the phone.
  • Someone crunches potato chips — loudly.
  • Someone clears their throat repeatedly.
  • Someone talks to themselves.
  • Someone snores.
  • Someone works on their fantasy league — loudly.
  • Someone clicks their pen….repeatedly.
  • Someone eats something really smelly for lunch.
  • Someone’s cell phone ring tone goes off again and again and they are nowhere to be found.
  • Someone is curling her hair. At her desk.
  • Someone slurps coffee all morning long.
  • Someone complains loudly about how damn cold the office is (OK, you got me. That one is all me.)
  • Two words: GUM. SNAPPING.