Emmy’s Recap and a PSA from the CDC

I did not watch the Emmy’s Sunday night, but apparently, I missed a fashion shit show.

My friend Katie started to tell me about it at work Monday morning but then, well, work got in the way.

Finally, last night I was watching Fashion Police on E! and holy hot mess. Let’s just quickly recap:

Julie Bowen – RuPaul couture. Too much, gurl. Too. Much

Julianna Hough — Tinkerbell goes slutty. And badly fitted (boob smasher)

The 65th Primetime Emmy Awards arrivals in Los Angeles, California

Claire Danes – starving ballerina couture. Please eat a sandwich and cover your chest bones.

January Jones — Flesh-colored boringness. And badly fitted (boob smasher)

Cat Deeley — Darth Vadar couture.

Lena Dunham – Ugly wallpaper couture. And badly fitted.

Zosia Mamet — Water colored-boob-bondage sadness. Also very badly fitted.

lena_dunham_zosia_mamet_emmy_awards

Jessica Pare — Rumpled taffeta boob-bow sadness. And those shoes! Ugh.

Aubrey Plaza — Walked into a full body spider web and then put some beads on it. Also weird boob action. Why do these girls hate their breasts?

Heidi Klum – semi-glamorous space alien. Reminds me of the aliens in Mars Attacks!

Lena-Dunham-Aubrey-Plaza-Heidi-Klum

Anyway. While enjoying my Joan, Kelly and George (Guiliana is on a case-by-case basis with me), the scariest commercial came on right in the middle of the snark-festivities.

http://ispot.tv/a/7bwR

It featured a (according to the voice over) “thoughtful husband and excellent dad” playing golf with his daughter. And then out of nowhere, he starts talking about getting checked or vaccinated for hepatitis B. No explanation or anything. Just a warning from the Centers for Disease Control – Hep B is on the loose and Asian golfers with children need to watch the hell out.

Maybe that’s what afflicted all those dresses at the Emmy’s. Maybe I should go read up on the physical side effects on Hepatitis B.

Bare Legs in Winter. Why?

Excuse me, miss.

Yes, you, the young lady in the puffer coat on the corner, shivering away on this damp, drizzly, cold morning.

You seem like a smart young thing on her way to work, hair: neat and in place; makeup: appropriate; professionally dressed (with the possible exception of the puffer jacket which I think looks like you’re walking around in a giant sleeping bag, but I get that it has some redeeming qualities: ie; it’s warm as a sleeping bag).

So why the hell are you walking around with bare legs and Tory Burch flats in the 37 degree weather??

Welp, at least the hat will keep her warm.
Welp, at least the hat will keep her warm.

I’ve lived in Washington DC for around 9 years now and this is something I will never understand: bare legs in winter and an unnatural attachment to Tory Burch flats, no matter the season.

I get that DC ladies may not want to take fashion advice from someone who left work yesterday looking like this:

HBC layers

A very bad Mary Poppins played by Helena Bonham Carter. (In my defense – and yes, I’m feeling quite defensive about this ensemble — it was raining and those are my rain boots and they are NOT what I wore all day. My brown leather knee high boots are actually in that bulging light blue bag on the left. Along with all my lunch gear. Also: that supremely unflattering-length skirt is now in the donation pile.)

But this is not fashion advice; this is survival advice. It’s cold out there. Really, really cold. Hell, it’s cold in most offices. So if it’s cold enough to wear a coat, it’s cold enough to cover your legs with either pants, or tights, or even knee high socks, if you can manage it.

bare-legs-in-winter-blizzard

And on a fashion note, seeing your pale winter legs slowly turn blue is not cute. No one is looking at you and thinking, “yes, that hypothermia really makes her look like she just came from St. Tropez.”

fur and bare legs

Even a fur coat is not really sufficient.

cape

The cape is lovely but where are your pants, dear?

winter shorts

 

Scarf…check. Coat…check. Fuzzy earmuffs….check. Tights….ooops.

alexa chung

 

Alexa, I’m chilled just looking at you. Although you’re legs are quite moisturized-looking, so good for you on that score. That windchill is going to dry those out completely.

winter coat and flip flops

 

It’s always the young girls trying this look out. Never older ladies, I’ve noticed. Listen, I have to commute as well and I totally understand the concept of a commuter shoe, but maybe wear something that actually covers your foot or something that you can wear warm socks with. Warm socks can be quite lovely on a cold day. Really!