Did I Just See a Polar Bear Walk by My Cube in a Snuggy?

I’m very sorry that I did not post last night. I spent some couples time with my Country-Time-Buffet dinner-companion-for-life XFE, and fell asleep a bit early. I know. I’m a bad blogger. I’m hanging my head contritely. But today I want to address an issue slightly more serious than my bad blogging habits.

Gentle Reader,

There is an epidemic going on of….well….epidemic proportions. In offices all across America, people (especially women) are freezing while the sun shines hotly outside. Yes, despite the fact that there is a drought and heat wave embracing most of the country, our corporate masters are keeping the interiors of offices at a brisk 50 degrees at the tail end of July. I went outside yesterday into 91 degree heat to go buy a Venti-sized hot tea to cup my cold hands around.

I have a confession to make—I have purposely printed unnecessary documents just to warm my hands on the freshly printed warm pages. I have two sweaters in my cube, one to wear under my suit blazer, and the other to cover my legs. I have an illegal electric heating pad (we’re not allowed to have those, or personal heaters, in our cubes.)

My cube yesterday afternoon: One gray wool sweater, one scalding hot tea (I burned my tongue on it) and my illegal heating pad.

I would wear pants and long-sleeves to work, but I’m afraid of the stinky sweat this would cause during my commute (a 10-minute walk to the metro, about 5 minutes standing outside on a platform, 20 minutes in a hopefully-but-not-always air conditioned metro car, and 3 minute walk to work). Nobody should have to live like this.

I’ve seen all kinds of coping mechanisms here in cube-land. People wearing Snuggies, even. You know what outfits go with a Snuggy? None. That’s what. No outfit looks good covered with a Snuggy.

Why do the powers that be do this to us? It does nothing for my productivity when I’m going outside to thaw off, or have to stop typing to warm my hands on the heating pad in my lap.

Why do they try to overcompensate for the sweltering air outside by creating icicles inside? It’s not like we have a revolving door letting the heat out every time someone comes in. It’s an office building!

Thanks PassiveAggressiveNotes.com. No really, that's a website and it's hi-lar-ious. Go check it out. But then come back here, please. Thanks.

And, it’s not very environmentally friendly or economical, especially at a time when gas prices are through the roof. We put all this effort into not wasting and recycling paper, only to destroy forests of trees to crank up the AC to Arctic levels. It must cost corporate America a lot of money to maintain this frigid environment. I’d rather raise the temperature a few degrees and get a raise with all the wonderful cost savings. (By the way, you aren’t saving money or energy if I’m using an electric heating pad to stay warm.)

Denver has tackled this issue head-on. A couple of years ago, Mayor John Hickenlooper decreed that all city buildings should raise the thermostat four degrees. “It saves money, it’s benevolent to the environment and it makes people happy, right? It’s more comfortable. What’s not to like?” he says.

Indeed, Hickenlooper, indeed. (Pretty fun name, by the way. Congrats on that)

Office-induced hypothermia is a serious problem. Not as serious as restless leg syndrome, perhaps, but almost. And perhaps, I propose, more pervasive. Maybe I should start a telethon for it. We could use the money to buy every office worker one of these or some of these.

Is it cold in your office? Have any coping mechanisms you want to share? How many sweaters do you have stashed in your cube?