Myrtle Manor Conference to be Held in County Lockup

I’ve been locked away in the land of sponsor-shaped stress balls and cup after cup of coffee in large hotel ballrooms…..that’s right, I’ve been at a work-related conference.

There were some highlights at this year’s event, including a very lively presentation from this lady:

She was amazing.  And that was before I even realized that she’d been interviewed AT OUR EVENT by TMZ. I have no idea how or why those guys were even there! They really are everywhere!

Anyway, Corcoran’s presentation was hilarious and very inappropriate. She talked about losing her virginity, taking her entire real estate team for a joy ride in Harlem, and then she made fun of an Asian co-worker. It was crazy. I’ve never seen anything like it to be honest. Certainly not at any other business conference I’ve ever attended.

What I have seen at conferences, however, is grown people loose their ever-loving minds over free conference swag. I will never understand grown people fighting each other for a branded reusable bag. It’s pretty insane. I personally have no need for a mini flash light with the logo of some phone company on it, so I just don’t get it.

"Yeah, they still have water bottles, but they're totally out of cell phone stands. Hurry!"
“Yeah, they still have water bottles, but they’re totally out of cell phone stands. Hurry!”

All sense of humanity or propriety goes out the window for a pen from an insurance company. People just grabbed armfuls of stuff that I’m pretty sure they’ll never use or even remember it being so damn important to them. I was literally standing at a table talking to someone and there was a tin of breath mints just sitting on the table and a woman walked up, asked if it belonged to either of us and then quickly snagged it. As if she couldn’t just go to that particular vendors booth and pick up one of her own. It was like vultures on the hunt.

I almost wondered if perhaps people were drinking (They weren’t. Nothing stronger than coffee being served). Because, honestly, people do some stupid stuff when they drink.

Just ask my favorite trailer park denizens at Myrtle Manor. They had not one, not two, but THREE incidents this past week, including two DUI’s. Which, if you’ve seen the show, it’s not really that surprising. Although, I would have expected at least one DUI to be earned while driving a golf cart.  Perhaps while swerving to pick up a large bad stuffed with conference swag.

A fine looking crew, if ever there was one.
A fine looking crew, if ever there was one.

If they did hold a Myrtle Manor Conference, I’m pretty sure the reusable bags would be prison-jumpsuit orange, the items inside would include a flask courtesy of Wild Turkey, a koozie emblazoned with a Bud Lime logo, and a comb engraved with the name of a bail bondsman (for brushing your hair before your mugshot).