I’m not generally afraid of spiders. Sure, I don’t want to snuggle up with one and take a nap or anything, but I’ve been known to nut up and squish a few or rinse one down the sink without too much screaming.
However. There are limits to co-existence with spiders. And this one may be taking it too far.
[S]traight from northern Sri Lanka, where scientists say they’ve discovered a new type of giant tarantula with a leg span of up to eight inches. Grab your rulers and mirrors, because yep, that’s about the average length of a human noggin.
As if that weren’t frightening enough (or cool enough — you pick), this particular spider was found living in trees. Anyone who’s ever walked beneath a tree and wound up brushing away a tiny spider knows that some arachnids enjoy an arboreal life, dangling from silken threads to surprise unsuspecting trail-walkers. Now imagine one the size of a volleyball landing on you like one of the facehuggers from Alien.
Hmmm, they sound like they might be just a tad bit too large to gently nudge/wash down the sink drain. (Related: we can also take Sri Lanka off the list of places we’ll ever visit.)
But the real clincher, as my sister pointed out to me on Facebook, is the spider’s name (and nickname)
Covered in beautiful, ornate markings, the spiders belong to the genus Poecilotheria, known as “Pokies” for short. These are the tiger spiders, an arboreal group indigenous to India and Sri Lanka that are known for being colourful, fast, and venomous.
So these crazy fast, venomous, humongous spiders are named Poe and they go by Pokie for short, which sounds an awful lot like my childhood nickname, Pookie.
I guess I’ll have to stop squishing them now that they’re kinfolk.
It’s all pretty annoying. We started watching AGT this season because Howard Stern was added as a judge. We’ve never watched the show before, and tend to shy away from all of those talent shows. But XFE loves Stern — listens to him every day, wants to have a man-date with him– so we started watching.
And I have to say, I’ve actually enjoyed it. Stern has brought a freshness to what I consider a pretty stale format (Gong Show, anyone?) full of mostly weird, talentless people looking to expose their weirdness to the world. While there are plenty of those people on the show, I’ve also been drawn into some of the really unique acts that have come on. And, most odd, I’ve gained a newfound respect for Mariah Carey’s official baby daddy, Nick Cannon. (I cannot believe I just said that out loud).
So we were watching the night that Timothy Poe came out and told his story and sang his song. Well, surprisingly, he didn’t actually claim he wrote the song he performed, which was Garth Brooks’ “If Tomorrow Never Comes.”
While his voice didn’t seem that strong, XFE and I both thought he had an amazing story and we were totally taken in. I mean, he had pictures of himself in uniform! His fiancée was right there, standing in the wings! He saved fellow members of his team, who would surely back up his story told on national television! He’d never sung a note until his speech therapist suggested singing as a way to get a handle on his stutter! You can’t make this stuff up!
Only, you can.
The next day stories started to trickle out calling his story into question. Now it turns out the photo he sent in wasn’t him. And there’s no military records of him taking a grenade. And he actually was a singer in a band (the least egregious of all the lies he told).
Anyway, what a piece of work.
This is quite upsetting. Me and Melissa Poe from Big Rich Texas have spent a lot of time and energy trying to rebuild the tarnished Poe family name after this guy dragged it through the liquor-soaked mud. I mean, Melissa put her modeling career on hold for her daughter. And me, well, I started a blog. Obviously, we’re both making the world a better place for all humanity.
And what about St. Louis rapper/DJ Notorious P.O.E.? He doesn’t deserve this kind of guilt-by-association either. He’s a rapper. He’s got enough negative stereotypes to overcome without worrying that people are whispering “Oh, there’s Poe. You know those Poe folks are nothing but stuttering liars.”
Or Angry Johnny singer, Poe (actually, she doesn’t count since that’s not her real name). But still. I really liked that song back in the 90s and I know she feels as hurt, embarrassed and deceived as the rest of us legitimate Poes.
I’m still being struck down with the swine/avian flu/consumption, my cough echoing down the cubicle halls. But, the blog goes on. Let’s take a little trip back in the time machine and reminisce about ye olden days, when The Poe Log was just a twinkle in somebody’s eye.
When I first decided to start a blog, I naturally spent a lot of time trying to come up with a name for it. I threw around a few ideas with my boyfriend-4-life XFE (he apparently doesn’t want to be called Big E. Whatever. It is declared, so it shall be done. XFE is an inside joke, by the way.)
The name I really, really wanted was Notorious P.O.E. But wouldn’t you know it, somebody was already out there frontin’ as Notorious P.O.E. And somebody else was already using it on Twitter! And, even on MySpace! Let’s find out a bit more about these fellow Poes, shall we?
First, there is Notorious P.O.E the rapper and DJ from St. Louis. He’s Tef Poe and he has a blog, but it hasn’t been updated since November 2010. Looking back on his first posts in 2008, he REALLY does not like Palin. Rock on, my Poe brother.
His first post back in March 2008 gave some shout-outs to his homies and laid out the future direction of his blog: “I’m a genius and I fully intend on spreading my version of mental diahrea throughout the universe..’GUCCI MANE FOR PRESIDENT’…”
I concur, fine sir. I intend to write in GUCCI MANE on the next election ballot.
On MySpace, we have the very elusive Tyler Poe, AKA The Notorious P.O.E. Unfortunately, his profile is only viewable by friends. Rude!
And then there’s Twitter, where NotoriousPOE is one Dustin Poe. He had a short-lived interest in Twitter. Only 10 poignant tweets and three followers.
His first post was worthy of our rapper friend above: “chasing dreams and destroying convention making life my own invention.” WORD.
His last post: “the great thing about having an open mind is that you can always change it;” and then he was gone. Guess he changed his mind about Twitter?
Then there’s this really weird video on YouTube. It’s a video entitled “English notorious POE.mov” that features some unusual dancing against a chalupa poster backdrop and the pretend ax murder of a rag doll. Not sure what to make of that, but I’m pretty sure I do not condone it. http://youtu.be/SuO-pOCHfXU
So that’s it. A roundup of fellow Notorious POEs. I think I’ll stick with the Poe Log. (Man, I wish this shirt was still available. I would totally, totally buy it.)
If you had a rap name, what would it be? Also: if you had a wrap named after you, what would you call it?