Totally Random Search Terms for November

Guess what time it is? Well, perhaps it is indeed Hammer Time, somewhere, say in like, an alternative universe where Aresenio Hall is still cool, Bill Cosby’s only major crime is wearing ugly sweaters, and baggy-crotched satiny pants are the thing. Oh wait. Those pants are actually back. Allegedly.

No, it’s time for Totally Random Search Terms that Brought Someone to thePoeLog this month! For those who don’t remember, here’s a couple of posts that explain it.

This month was particularly interesting for two reasons. 1) I got a ridiculous number of people who found the blog while trying to solve the mystery of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. Well, not the mystery of how that show exists, but rather, a murder mystery that was totally mentioned and glossed over on one of the episodes. Someone was beyond passionately curious about what had happened to gypsy Baby Pat’s baby sister. As far as I can tell, that episode isn’t in heavy rotation or anything, so I have no idea why so many people were looking for that information in November.

The other weird outlier falls into the category I call perverts. I, along with a lot of the Internet, I’m sure, get a lot of folks who – well, let’s just say, they’re not here to read about my excellent eggplant parmigiana. But this past month, there was someone/something looking diligently for any information/pictures of Indian women going to the bathroom. All kinds of “going to the bathroom” activities. But very specifically, Indian women. Or Indian aunties. Or Indian girls.

I just can’t. I don’t even. I can’t.

I can't even.

Anyway. That seems like an incredibly awkward transition to the work at hand here: a Q&A using a small sampling of Totally Random Search Terms that Brought Someone to thePoeLog in November.

What to pack for 18 day vacation? – First of all, that is awesome. I’m totally jealous. No idea where you’re going but an 18-day vacation sounds amazing. Unless you’re going to like, Stolipinova in Plovdiv, Bulgaria. Apparently, that place is not very nice. And it is the home to a whole bunch of Romani, as in GYPSIES, which would make me kinda excited, but the whole rubbish-lined stinky streets thing does put me off. And the violence.

But back to your question. I have spent many a sleepless night fretting over what to pack for a trip, as you can see here, here and here. Hopefully, this post helped you out a bit as well.

My most recent strategy (and one I’ll use for my upcoming trip to Italy) has been to take everything I wore today, yesterday, and the day before, toss them in a suitcase, add toiletries, clean undies, and a blazer, and go. At least then I know I’m taking stuff I actually wear, instead of inspirational, Pinterest-inspired nonsense.

Are the American Pickers worried about hantavirus? – Ah yes, the hantavirus. I remember this threat from the Summer of Disease Outbreaks. The Wikipedia informs us:

Human infections of hantaviruses have almost entirely been linked to human contact with rodent excrement, but recent human-to-human transmission has been reported with the Andes virus in South America.

We still regularly watch American Pickers around these parts, and I have to agree: with all the disgusting foraging those guys do in really questionably conditions, they should indeed be worried about getting a disease carried by rodent excrement. They should also worry about collapsing piles of trash. That show, while enjoyable, gives me the heeby-jeebies. I can’t handle hoarders, even in the name of “collecting.” Makes me itchy.

Wikipedia also suggests some ways to prevent contact with the hantavirus. I find the last one particularly reassuring:

General prevention can be accomplished by disposing of rodent nests, sealing any cracks and holes in homes where mice or rats could get in, setting up traps, laying down poisons or using natural predators such as cats in the home.

Maybe the American Picker guys should bring a cat along on their trips. Kitty cats + foraging through junk = ratings gold.

Is Judge Loren Lake a little person? – First of all, it’s Lauren Lake. Not Loren. Second, hmmm, that’s kinda rude, dontcha think? I agree completely with calling into question her experience and qualifications as a judge, but I don’t know why her stature is under question.

Although, she does look a bit shrunken behind that ginormous “Paternity Court” bench.

Judge Lauren Lake on Paternity Court

Best Vegas hotel bathrooms. – I have spent a lot of time in many Vegas hotel bathrooms. Wait. That sounds weird.

I’ve stayed in a fair number of Vegas hotels, and many of them had very nice bathrooms. I have not, however, stayed at every hotel, so I don’t know if I can be considered an authority on them.

Of the one’s I have enjoyed, I’d probably pick the Cosmopolitan, which I think definitely had the best hotel bathrobe I’ve ever experienced. I also really liked the lady silhouette wallpaper in the separate toilet area. Very chic. Oh, and the Venetian. That bathroom was amazing. And I haven’t written about it, but the Wynn had gorgeous bathrooms as well, if memory serves.

Luckily, there are other folks who have waded through the Strip powder rooms and come up with lists. I especially like this one from My favorite in his list is the Ivory Tower Suite bathroom at the Palms. I. Die.

Palms bathroom Las

Things to put on Facebook. – Well, if my feed is any indication, what people choose to put on Facebook are their idiotic rants about politics, race in America, immigration and guns, along with pictures of the same sunsets we all saw on our way home that day, and children in apple orchards/pumpkin patches/Christmas tree farms and the family pets. The truly surprising part is that it’s the exact same group of people posting in both of those categories. Sunsets and race in America. Same person. Weird.

You know, the first rule in writing is to know your audience. There’s no easier place to know your audience than on Facebook. They’re your family and friends. You should have a pretty good idea of their tolerance level for political rants and/or cutesy stuff. But at the end of the day, Facebook is social, so be social. Whatever that means to you. For most people, it means, don’t be annoying or provoke people into fighting with you. That’s not “social.”

And, we’re all adults. If we’re fed up with your “prescription for what’s wrong with America,” we’ll unfriend or block your posts. No biggie. I do it all the time.

So post whatever you want. Maybe even some nonsense on Indian women pooping in Vegas bathrooms while on an 18-day vacation.

I Hear the Dengue Fever is Hot for Spring 2013

Like K-Stew and R-Patt’s relationship, bubonic plague is back y’all!

Yeah, I’d want her back too. I mean, she looks just awesome.

*Can we please take a moment to thank the US Weekly editor/gods that we’ve all made it past that time of national crisis?

I’m talking about the Twi-Breakup, obviously. Not the bubonic plague. That appears to be here to stay. Like Lindsay Lohan and drunk driving. Or, Amanda Bynes and drunk driving. Or Miley Cyrus and really weird fashion choices (what is all over her fingers?).

What I’m saying is….what was I saying? Oh yes. Bubonic plague.

Hot on the oxblood heels of the various Fashion Weeks around the world, the bubonic plague is back in style. Long thought to be just some bad fad from Middle Ages Europe (hello, kirtles!), the Black Death is staging a full comeback.

The latest trendsetter? Some lady in Oregon who got it from giving mouth-to-mouth to a cat choking on a mouse.

Hold. Up. Say what?

A woman who tried to help her friend save the life of a choking cat also contracted the plague from the disease-stricken feline over the summer.

The woman was bitten at the same time as Paul Gaylord, who made national headlines when he almost died from a version of the infection that killed millions in the Middle Ages.

The two had found a stray cat in distress, choking on a mouse. They were bitten when they tried unsuccessfully to help the animal.

This to me is TERRIFYING. I have an extremely soft heart when it comes to animals and a very meddling type of personality, so if I saw a kitty cat in trouble, I would, of course, try to go to its’ aid. Not sure I’d be willing to do mouth-to-mouth though. Especially if there had just been a dead mouse in that mouth. Might have to draw the line there.

Then I heard this morning about some seven-year-old little girl who was being released from the hospital after catching the bubonic plague from playing with a dead squirrel. Well, she wasn’t really playing with it so much as trying to bury it, which is really quite cute, but also? Very creepy. Quit playing with dead animals, Wednesday Addams.

ABC News reports that Sierra Jane Downing put down her sweatshirt next to a dead squirrel Aug.19 in Pagosa Springs. Five days later, she was running a high fever — up to 107 degrees — throwing up and having a seizure.

The girl was flown to Rocky Mountain Hospital for Children in Denver, where Dr. Jennifer Snow ran blood tests on Sierra Jane and learned that she had been in close contact with the squirrel, mouse droppings and a dead skunk, ABC reports.

Wow. What the heck, parents? Ever try a coloring book or a Nintendo or something? I’m not one to give out parenting advice here, but you might want to keep a closer eye on your kid.

The Deseret News reported on the plague outbreaks and even called this the Summer of Disease Outbreaks.

They also alerted me to the fact that there have been six reported cases of people catching some hantavirus at Yosemite National Park. I don’t even know what that is, but based on the World Health Organization’s very helpful advice to avoid rodents and their droppings, I can hazard a guess. (Oh, and don’t worry WHO. I will definitely avoid those two things from now on.)

I will also avoid all other animals for the next several months as we slog through the Fall of Doom and Death.