I was watching an older episode of Big Rich Texas—one of the trashiest and painfully fake reality shows out there, ergo: my favorite—the other night. Suddenly, my couch-snuggle-buddy-for-life and commander of the remote control, XFE turned and asked me, “Did you hear what Melissa’s last name was?”
You see, we were watching the episode where wannabe-model Melissa was at a doctor’s office to discuss a possible weight-loss diet. An extremely limited and dangerous weight watch diet. As her daughter Maddie said, “The 500 calories a day doesn’t seem healthy at all, I mean, I probably consumed that on the car ride over here.”
Anyway, I was so busy looking at Melissa’s lip gloss, I had totally missed the part where the doctor went into the waiting room and called out her name. Turns out: She’s a POE!! Her last name is Poe! The same as mine! And I’m from Texas! A long-lost relative, no doubt.
From that point on, I was scouring the show for clues of our undoubted relatedness (ok, not even a word. Oh, wait. Apparently it IS a word).
Melissa wants to get back into modeling after a 15-year hiatus.
ME: Yeah, I have never entertained any modeling illusions whatsoever. Although, I do have the over-bloated confidence of a model most days.
Melissa is an overbearing mother who won’t let her 15-year-old daughter date.
ME: Petunia can date whoever she wants. I don’t care, as long as they feed her. That cat can put the kibble away, if you know what I mean.
Melissa cries when an agent suggests she might need to be a plus-sized model.
ME: Cool. Is the pay the same?
So yeah, not a lot of similarities, I guess. Probably not related. So I guess I better not hit her up for money or modeling advice or anything.