Just Like Justin Bieber, I Too Need a Haircut*

It’s time for a haircut. And I say that with some trepidation.

Does it look better when I close one of my eyes?

Not because I’m worried about getting a bad haircut. I mean, I have curly hair. It’s kinda hard to mess it up. Not impossible, mind you. There have been bad haircut decisions, including some unfortunate bangs (you cannot have bangs if you have curly hair. It’s not possible. Just stop fooling yourself.)

But in general, it’s hard to mess up curly hair. And, I have a fairly straightforward cut. It’s not like I ask for something different every time I go in, or have some illusions about the texture or thickness of my hair. I don’t bring in pictures of Jennifer Anniston and ask for her hair. Not going to happen.  

You too can have my lustrous locks.....if you can totally change the texture of your hair.

No, the reason I have anxiety about getting a haircut is because I want to cheat on my stylist.

I choose a salon purely based on geographic desirability. How close is it to my work? Can I run over at lunch and get my hair did and still shovel a bowlful of salad down my craw?

My current hair salon is literally around the block from where I work. I started going there a few years ago after the stylists at my previous salon (two blocks from work) left that salon. I had been going to her (I can’t even remember her name now) for about 3 years. She was Vietnamese and I never understood a thing she said to me. I wasn’t thrilled with the haircut, but it wasn’t awful. I kept going to her because it was convenient. Not cheap, but convenient and a few steps above Supercuts (are those places still around?).

When my previous stylist left my previous salon, I was quite relieved. Now was my chance to make a break for it. So I started going to my current salon, which was even more convenient. And, my new stylist was cool, and young, and hip, but not intimidatingly so. And I understood everything she said.

But still. I’m not blown away by my hairstyle and I’ve been going there for about 2 years now.

I guess  want to see other stylists.

The problem is I walk past this current salon every single day on my way to work. And I often run into my stylist on the street. What if she saw me with a new haircut? Would she be pissed? Would she smell the new scent of the different styling products and judge me harshly? So this is what I go through every 3-4 months when it’s time for a trim (yes, another benefit of curly hair is you can slack off between trims. The only reason I know it’s time for a trim is that my hair is starting to bunch up in ringlets. Cute on Shirley Temple. Not a 39-year-old woman)

Oh! I see a salon even closer to work! Maybe I should go there. (Do you kids even know who Shirley Temple was? Or is it just me?

I’m sure, per usual, I’m thinking about this waaaay too much. I’m sure my current stylist couldn’t care less. It’s not like I’m Justin Bieber or anything. It’s not like anybody would be losing $100,000 in an exclusive doll licensing deal if I got my hair cut.

Any tips on how to break up with a hairdresser? Or should I just suck it up and do the easy thing? I tend to lean towards the easy option, personally.

*(How’s that for Search Engine Optimization?)

Does this haircut make my body look small?