Neither Eventful nor Helpful

This just popped into my email:

At Risk For A Heart Attack? Find Out Now

2:38 PM (10 minutes ago)

to me
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February 16, 2012
eventful specials
As a member of the Eventful family, we would like to share with you this special offer…
There is much I do not like about this email, in particular, the way it, oh, I don’t know, gave me a freaking heart attack!
“At Risk for a Heart Attack?” Yeah, I kinda am now. Holy pacemaker. Why do you have to scare me like that?? I’m a very fragile flower.
Also: I don’t remember marrying into the “Eventful family.” So please, Eventful, don’t feel the need to “share…this special offer.” It’s not a special offer, and I would prefer that you not share.
I’m terrified to click on whatever images Gmail has blocked. I’m imagining something like this.
I definitely smell a “unsubscribe” coming.