Friday Links: Lot’s of Flowing Locks Edition

This week, huh kids? I know. Crazy! More people I know had babies, this time in London. Welcome Connor K!  Some other people I don’t know had babies, also in London. Congrats, Tatum-Dewan-Tatums. I finally finished off the brisket. Busy days, to be sure.

So kick back this weekend, relax, and have a “Manhattan. And kick the vermouth to the side with a pair of steel-toed boots,”  (Anchorman reference there) while perusing these links.

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Glamour Women Of The Year Awards 2013 - Red Carpet Arrivals

  • Our Qantas travel buddy (and, I suppose, she’s also known as a British pop singer) Jessie J totally copied my boyfriend and recently shaved her head. (Actually, it appears she did it first. UNLESS, she found out about XFE and then jumped into a time machine back to March in which case, she totally copied my boyfriend’s look. That seems the most likely scenario here.)
  • In honor of XFE and Jessie J’s recent head shavings, let’s share some fun facts about hair, shall we? Russia used to have a beard tax? A shady Chinese producer of soy sauce used the amino acids from hair in his product? Women spend $780 per year on hair products? (uh, easily) I’m disappointed that there weren’t any statistics about curly hair, however.

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Kwame Harris and I Agree: Soy Sauce is Dangerous

I know from personal experience that soy sauce can ruin walls. And I know from personal experience that soy sauce can lead to bickering that ruins an otherwise nice evening with your loved ones.

Apparently, I’m not the only one to have learned this lesson.

According to the San Mateo Daily Journal, a dispute over soy sauce at Su Hong restaurant in Menlo Park, Calif. last Aug. 21, has landed former NFL player Kwame Harris in court after he assaulted his ex-boyfriend.

Now, I do not know young Kwame Harris, however, I am certainly interested in hearing more about any “assault” that flares up over soy sauce.

The dispute started when Harris got upset at his friend, Dimitri Geier, for pouring soy sauce on a plate of rice.

OK, so not quite the same as tripping on a stair and sending soy sauce flying onto light yellow walls, but still eerily familiar. Also, why would pouring (not flinging) soy sauce get someone so upset? It’s not like the long-suffering boyfriend had to clean it up, or anything.

Kwame Says

According to the paper, which was citing a suit filed in San Mateo County Superior Court, the two argued for seven minutes after the soy sauce was poured, and Harris said he wasn’t going to take Geier to the airport as he had said he would.

Hold up…..seven minutes? Pshaw. I think pouring unwanted soy sauce on someone’s rice is certainly worth at least seven minutes of public arguing. I believe when I (accidentally) flung soy sauce on our dining room walls, XFE and I steamed and pouted for at least an hour. I did not, however, threaten to revoke airport drop-off privileges. That’s just wrong.

When the two went to get Geier’s belongings from Harris’ car, Harris accused Geier of stealing his underwear and tried pulling the man’s pants down.

Best. Argument. Ever. Stealing underwear? And in retaliation, pulling the man’s pants down? To what end? To ascertain whether the accused perpetrator is wearing the purloined underwear? Were you perhaps thinking of entering the underwear into evidence, young Harris?

Maybe they were Harris' special super power underwear?
Maybe they were Harris’ special super power underwear?

Geier tried unsuccessfully to get away, and Harris shook Geier and punched his arms, the paper said. Harris is 6-foot-7 and 240 pounds and Geier is 6-1, 220 pounds. The paper said Geier allegedly struck Harris three times in the face, and then Harris punched Geier several times in the face.

Oh snap. Sounds like things got pretty ugly.

Geier was taken to an emergency room, and had surgery to repair broken orbital bones and required a metal plate to fix the damage, the paper said. The Daily Journal said Geier has filed a civil suit against Harris for assault, battery, false imprisonment, negligence and both intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress. Harris could also face up to seven years in prison if convicted, Guidotti told the paper.

Yep, things definitely spiraled out of control here.

OK, so the lesson I think we can all glean from this is: soy sauce is incredibly dangerous and as far as condiments go, is probably the most likely to provoke an argument. But, in all fairness, so is stealing someone’s underwear.

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To Quote the Brilliant Britney: Oops, I Did It Again

WARNING: This post contains gratuitous cat shots to make up for my idiocy.

Awesome. I’m on the plane on the way to Vegas and I thought I’d write a couple of last blog posts about Vieques. I still want to give a review of the W Vieques and our best meal on the island (which was not Sol Food, although Sol was very good and my co-food-critic-for-life XFE vehemently disputes the two out of four tires rating that Sol got.)

So with tiny child feet kicking the back of my chair for the last two hours (a dad travelling with two small girls is sitting right behind me. Poor him, but more importantly, poor me), I pulled out my trusty little netbook to organize photos and write a couple of posts.

But since I’m an idiot, I don’t have the pictures I need downloaded yet on my netbook. That’s OK, I think as yet another smaller child cries behind me, I have plenty of time to download the pictures. There’s at least two more hours of this awesome flight left. Then, since I’m an even bigger idiot, I realize, I don’t have my camera on me.

That’s right….me, a so-called ‘blogger’ is on her way to Christmas with XFE’s family in Vegas WITHOUT my camera.

XFE is going to bust my chops soooo hard on this one. Classic Poe move.  I really soy sauced this one.

So, dear readers, I will try to post over the next couple of days. And they will include some photos. After all, I have quite the folder filled with photos of Petunia. She’s always a winner.

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What do you mean I’m NOT going to Vegas? You are dead to me.

Plus, there’s whatever images I can somehow manage to capture with my camera phone. Or XFE’s iPhone which takes way better pictures than my camera anyway. Oooooh, or maybe I’ll give in to all the post-Christmas shopping frenzy and buy a new camera! There’s an idea…..

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I am sick of hearing it. Can someone please come get me out of this drawer?

Anyway, I guess we’ll leave those last couple of Vieques posts until next week. Consider it the Poe Log Christmas gift to all of you.

I’m sure you were getting sick of hearing about Vieques anyway. I know Toonie is.

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I’m ready to go to Vegas.

This is Something I’m Hoping Won’t Catch On

So last night as I was clearing my plate from my dinner, which we had enjoyed in front of the television in the living room, naturally, my wanna-be-Chris-Rock-boyfriend-for-life XFE threw out this casual comment: “Be careful not to soy sauce.”

This, gentle readers, is a reference to an earlier incident that I would very much like to put behind me.

An incident also involving dinner in front of the television. Only that time, it was delicious delivery sushi. As I was clearing the plates after a feast of crunchy scallop rolls and other assorted Japanese goodness, and heading towards the TWO measly stairs that separate the unused dining room from our living room, I soy sauced.

For some unknown reason, I tripped on the stairs. I was barefoot, so it’s not as if my shoe or flip flop caught on the edge of the stairs. I did not stub my toe. There were no random cat toys lying haphazardly upon the stairs. There were, in short, no obstacles. I merely….tripped. Which led to me sliding in slow motion on my stomach across the dining room. Which led to soy sauce flying out of their little ramekins and splattering all over at least three of the very pale yellow walls of our dining room. And the lovely gray and white dining room rug. And the wood floor, of course. The ringing clatter of ceramic dishes were the only sound that punctuated the scene.

Oh no! My soy sauce is flying through the air!"

The thing I remember most about this small incident, was looking over toward the kitchen and seeing XFE roll his eyes, and grab a towel, all without saying a word. As if, “of course my girlfriend is lying on her stomach amongst broken dishes and soy sauce. Time for me to clean up her mess.” Which he did.

And now, all of a sudden, months later, “soy saucing” has become a verb in our house, to basically mean, “to bite it.” I don’t even know how or why this has come up again.

I've fallen on my face and I'm too embarrassed to get up.

After that first casual comment as I was clearing dishes last night, XFE proceeded to use it intermittently throughout the night. “Petunia, be careful going down the stairs. You don’t want to soy sauce.” “Man, that kid on X Factor really soy sauced it.” “Somebody soy sauced the radio setting on the clock radio.”

You don’t think this is going to catch on, right? I mean, he’ll grow tired of it at some point, no? If I ignore it, do you think soy sauce as a descriptor will go away? How has this entered our relationship vocabulary?

This is just great. And now I’m craving sushi with a side of humiliation.

Soy Sauced! By a banana peel.