This Town Might Have a Dead Body Problem

Hey, who likes to hear about dead bodies? Or maybe I should say, “near misses with floating dead bodies?”

I mean, who doesn’t, amiright?

I realize this is a pretty abrupt manner in which to get started back into blogging. BUT, as a die-hard murderino (SSDGM, MFM crew), I have to post about this crazy, possible (but probably not?) hometown murder.

So, on the work front, things have been pretty busy since the beginning of the year, which isn’t a shocker – that is usually my busy period. But most of my really big yearly projects are slowly winding down (last big convention for the year is next week), so it’s been a nice quiet week here at Poe Communications/ National Detective/Sleuthing Services Agency, LLC.

cat detective

(Sidebar: Here’s a Buzzfeed list of 13 Signs Your Cat is Secretly a Detective).

And when my non-husband, XFE mentioned going to the gym at 6 am, I checked my pajama pockets for excuses and finding none, gamely agreed to go along with him. However, when we got to the gym, we saw construction crews tearing up the street to get to the water pipes and all the lights in the gym were off. After seeing other would-be gym goers leaving the scene, we surmised that our gym was probably not open. Yet, here we were, all dressed in spandex and ready to sweat.

Now, we live in Old Town, Alexandria, just a few blocks from the Potomac River. And along this stretch of Old Town, we have a lovely collection of waterfront parks, most of which are connected by a biking/walking trail that runs all along the Potomac. It’s pretty dang nice and its definitely one of my preferred running paths.

alexandria_waterfront
Pretty typical waterfront park view. Notice no dead bodies clogging up the river.

Since the gym was closed, we decided to take advantage of the cool morning and go for a walk along the Old Town Waterfront, which will now be known as Scenic River Murder Path (SRMP).

We headed south. Because I’m a curious, snoopy sort of person, I spent a good portion of my time checking out all the various bits of debris that had washed up along the shoreline after the many heavy storms we’ve had over the last couple of days. I’m always surprised how many logs and just huge splinters of logs, along with just tons of trash end up stuck in all the various nooks and crannies along the SRMP’s otherwise well-manicured trails.

OT Waterfront
We walked along this lovely area. Keep it in mind.

This morning, as I was gawking at all the debris, I didn’t see too much of note, except for one foam-pontoon-looking thing that had washed up into a pile of logs and trash near the Potomac Riverboat Company office. At first glance, it’s large, concave white shape reminded me of a dead, belly-up shark, which caused me to do a double take and then laugh at myself over the idea of a shark in the Potomac River.

But then, this afternoon, XFE sent me this story:

How the body of a man ended up in the Potomac River in Alexandria is under investigation by the Virginia city’s police department.

The body was found Wednesday morning in the river not far from the marina in Old Town, not far from the Torpedo Factory, according to the Alexandria Fire Department.

Police will investigate how the man ended up in the water and how he died.

The man’s identity has not been released.

Holy Torpedo Factory, that was right where we were! How could we not have seen it? I was literally gawking at every bit of flotsam and jetsam and yet, somehow I had managed to not see a body bouncing around???

OT body
Look familiar? Yeah. I know. Image from reporter Victoria Sanchez’s Twitter feed.

I immediately started looking for more information and found this:

A body was recovered from the Potomac River in Alexandria, Virginia on Wednesday morning, Alexandria Fire Department said.

Around 9:15 a.m., fire crews responded to the scene just off the Old Town Waterfront for a report of a person in the water.

The fire crew has handed off the incident to the Alexandria Police Department. The PIO does have much information that can be confirmed at this time, but it has been reported as death on arrival.

Wait a minute, 9:15??? We were right there! We were walking along the marina area at like, 6:30!! How did we not see anything??

But then, my Internet sleuthing got even spookier:

 A man’s body was found in the Potomac River Tuesday evening in D.C.

Metropolitan Police say the unidentified man was unconscious and not breathing when he was located. His body floated approximately 10 feet off the shoreline of Dangerfield Island in the Potomac.

According to investigators, there does not appear to be signs of foul play.

So, another, different body was found in the same river the night before. Oh, and guess where Daingerfield Island is? Just north of us, along that same hike/bike trail! Basically, (well, not basically, but literally), the two bodies washed up two miles and about 12 hours apart.

SRMT

That’s suspicious, right?

I have just so many questions, but I think the main one is: what was the deal with the water pipes outside of our gym this morning?

And, in slightly more upbeat neighborhood news, we’re getting a Taco Bell (free Nacho Cheese Doritos® Locos Tacos Supreme® for every murder mystery solved)! But also, it will serve alcohol (Margarita Bell Grande?).

Old Town is so weird. And apparently, dangerous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Folks Do Say They Have the Best Coffee Around

This story originally published by the Morristown Daily Record and republished in USAToday caught my eye.

See if you can guess why by the headline: N.J. Dunkin Donuts worker caught in ‘extra sugar’ sex sting

First of all, kudos to the Garden State law enforcement on your awesome sting title. Hilarious. Really, you had me at Extra Sugar. I am dying to know what the other options were? “Apple fritter?” “Bear Claw?” “Coffee Coolatta?”

Second, can you just imagine the fighting among the cops at the precinct over who was going be part of this sting operation? Donuts and a prostitute? Not a bad day at the office.

“A 29-year-old woman working the night shift at Dunkin Donuts faces prostitution charges for allegedly taking breaks from selling donuts and coffee to provide sexual services in exchange for money.”

We don’t know if she took breaks? Or we don’t know why she took breaks? Because the rest of the story makes it pretty clear on the whole why conundrum.

“Melissa Redmond, 29, of Mine Hill, was arrested after a six week investigation known as ‘extra sugar’ that began when police got a tip that people could go to the Dunkin Donuts on Route 46 and arrange a liason with Redmond.”

Six weeks? Did it really need to take that long? Are our diligent police in New Jersey just trying to make extra, special sure that she was hooking? I mean come on! Let’s get those Scooby kids on the case and wrap this up already!

Scooby Doo and the NJ police busting donut slinging prostitutes.

“’I had gotten an anonymous tip,’ Detective Sgt. Kyle Schwarzmann, who led the investigation. ‘She was a night time employee (working 9 p.m. to 5 a.m.), supposedly a very good one.’”

Well, well, well. Supposedly a very good one. Hmmmm. I’d say.

 “Schwarzmann began gathering information and doing surveillance at the scene. He noticed on multiple evenings that she would go out to cars to see customers and would spend 10 or 15 minutes there, he said.”

See point D above. “Multiple evenings?” Seriously?

Sometimes I’d even see money changing hands,” Schwarzmann said, adding that sometimes the cars would stay in the parking lot and other times they would drive to another nearby location.” 

OK, I think when you see money changing hands, you might have a case there, Deputy Barney Fife. I’m not sure you needed to continue to let this illegal activity go on for SIX MORE WEEKS. 

Let's wait and see how this whole exchanging money in a car thing works out. Wouldn't want to be too hasty.

The rest of the story goes on to discuss how the arrest went down, including the point that when the undercover officer posing as a “john” returned on another occasion (a second time? WTF??), she offered new and lower prices!

Poor girl. She probably was just concerned about the whole debt ceiling debate in Congress and was trying to squirrel away some money before interest rates shot up and the United States went all Thelma and Louise over an economic precipice.

Or, she just needed to pay rent.

(*disclaimer: This is no way meant to condone prostitution or extra sugar. Or donuts. Those things will seriously kill you. Just say no to all of the above.)

Whew, so glad we avoided that whole economic collapse thing!