Wisdom Teeth Removal: Pretty Much Unicorns and Rainbows

I learned something new about myself over the last 24 hours: I must be a complete badass.

I got my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. Two of them, the top ones. And seriously? It was no big deal. The procedure and the recovery have been a piece of cake, which is not at all what I suspected. Normally, I’m a bit of a hypochondriac who’s known to have a flair for the dramatics. So panicking over a purely elective procedure (they weren’t impacted or infected) would typically be right up my alley.

And my super helpful friends all tried to help: I had heard all sorts of horror stories – tales of excruciating pain and anesthesia that wore off mid-procedure; tales of hemorrhaging and nonstop bleeding; tales of nausea, severed nerves, etc. etc. It really sounded like the possibilities for disaster were truly endless and most assured.

What a load of horse manure.


I had an appointment with this lovely doctor at 10:30. I was out by 11. Just a couple of shots to the gums (really the worst part), a bit of pressure, a very disconcerting noise (OK, that actually was the worst part) and a mouthful of gauze later, I was in a cab on my way home. Yes, I said cab. My male-nurse-for-life XFE had a golf tournament. It had been postponed due to rain a few weeks ago. He offered to skip it, but I didn’t think it would be necessary. I was right.

I came home, ditched the gauze about 45 minutes later and waited for the promised painful recovery, a bottle of painkillers within easy reach. Nothing. To be fair, the doctor had said I could just take ibuprofen, but I thought he was being far too flippant. As the afternoon wore on, I realized he might be right. I had no pain.

And here I am, more than 24 hours later, singularly unimpressed. No bleeding, no pain, no nothing. I’m not sure why my wisdom teeth extraction experience has been so vastly different from everyone else’s, but I think it’s probably because I’m a straight up thug. Or, maybe Dr. Gitelman is worth all the positive Yelp reviews, and just really good at his job.

Nah, it’s because I’m the shit.  

Where's my money, tooth fairy lady? Don't make me go gansta on you!