Next Up, Sports Illustrated

A few weeks ago, I took part in a very special photo shoot at the pool at the W Hotel in Austin. It was pretty nerve-wracking. I was so nervous. I went on a 60-day cleanse, banning all carbs, alcohol, sweets. I subsisted on kale and sparkling water. I worked out extra, extra hard. I did thousands of crunches, millions of planks, zillions of lunges, and kajillions of tricep dips. Anyway, here are the stunning results.

Here I am lounging on the edge of the pool. I had to seriously suck in my stomach here. Can you tell? Why yes, I am wearing a Juicy Couture bikini! Good eye!

This is a particularly sassy pose, making use of the handrail. I think my booty looks particularly good in this pose. Can you see it?

This one was particularly fun. I kept jumping up and spraying water everywhere. You can totally see the sun glistening off the water spray. Right?

This is me, twirling happily in the Austin sun. You can make it out, right?

Wow. This is such a good one. Giselle Budchen called right about then and invited me to a pose off, but I said, “Can’t. Too busy. Maybe next time. Tell Tom I said whassup.”

Geeze, will you look at that tone and superfit model down there? I mean, come on. Every eye at the pool was totally on me. Heads on a swivel, yo.

So that’s the photo shoot, an XFE Entertainment Studio Production Ltd. LLC Inc. project. I am sooo relieved that’s over with and now I can go back to my regular schedule of eating loaves of bread and butter and drinking my body weight in Shiner Bock. Photo shoots, huh? So stressful!

Hey, speaking of eating too much and pigging out: Be sure to check back in tomorrow for a pretty awesome post about an little event we call Porktober.

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